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dementia journey - Page 17 - Carers UK Forum

dementia journey

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
167 posts
Me again

I’ve always called my posts a dementia journey which assumes a start and eventual finish. However I’m reaching a stage where I don’t want progress ( whatever means).

It’s as if I don’t want to give up the unhappiness I feel because it’s become my normal for so long ( a comfort blanket?) and to move to a lighter place of some contentment would mean a betrayal of my loss for Bridget. Does this make sense?

I find I forget Bridget for a moment. I get lost in a film, a little project, the garden, and then I feel shame that I’m not aching with missing her. There’s many who would love me to be better ( whatever that means) but I feel a kind of commitment to grieving. It sort of gives my life a meaning and to be happier would in some way nullify the loss I’ve suffered.

hope this make some sense
( 😫😡dementia)
Peter, why don't you think your wife Bridget would want you to be happy?
As I went into hospital for major cancer surgery, very aware that I might not live to see the next Christmas, I told my husband that if anything happened to me, I would want him to find another partner, because I knew how lonely he would be without me. He said that the same applied equally if anything happened to him.
Fortunately, I survived the surgery, and it was successful. My husband died of a massive heart attack less than 2 years later. I know he would want me to be happy, I always take the view that I must make an extra effort as I survived, he didn't. Sort of "living for both of us".
You need to be happy again, to allow yourself to be happy.
It won't be the same, it is different, but it would really help you to be more positive, not wallow in this sort of endless half life?
Wouldn't you want Bridget to be happy if your roles were reversed?
Can't you think about living for both of you.
I know your situation is worse than mine, because Bridget's mind has gone, but her body survives.
Please try to find some happiness or pleasure again.
I called my 1st thread start of dementia journey. Looking back, at the attachment Melly sent I can see that the guilt monster made no difference to my husband's decline.
Called the second thread end of dementia journey, start of ?
I missed my pre dementia soul mate then and still do. Nothing is going to change that. However, I realise that I have to get on with life without him, and do to the best of my ability. Wouldn't be fair to him, my family or myself if I didn't.
I can see, by reading your posts that you are unable to see your situation in a different light. I hope , very soon that you will.
My counsellor has asked that if anyone is in need of counselling then her small unit has places available in the local area (south Devon). Originally Counselling 4 Carers it is now offering counselling for people who are struggling in one way or another. The cost is reasonable. Let me know.
I love South Devon, my son and I have had many happy holidays there, most recently staying at Ipplepen, near Newton Abbot.
With a steam railway in Buckfastleigh and Paignton, and Bodmin an easy drive, he can get his "fix" of steam!!
I went for a longish walk today on my own. It gets me put of the house and I feel that at least I’ve accomplished something. Trouble is that it also gives me time to go over all the things that upset me, especially being on my own
I have a vivid and recurring memory of Bridget leaving here for the last time to be driven to the home. They took her away when she wanted to go to her parents , so I wonder what she thought when she arrived at the
home. My poor darling, so confused and anxious. So for the first time in 30 years I was left alone for good with the love of my life separated and into a little room. So difficult to come back from that awful shock of someone you cared for being taken away.

ive been accused by those outside of dementia of being self indulgent and too much self pity. I don’t really care because I can’t change my nature. Anyway, whatever gets me through the days.
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Let's hope these people never go through the trauma
167 posts