Dementia

[alan_19051]

I am 67 years old quite fit and mobile and my partner Lorrain is 61 and as Dementia. Lorrain as hellucination's and I don't know how to handle it, I tell her that she is imagining it all but she does shout back that she is not imagining it, I think after a while she comes round to believing me. I find it very difficult to handle and I do understand she cannot help it but still does not find it easy.
Does any one else have this problem ? and how did they go about it?

[sunnydisposition]

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dem ... ucinations

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dem ... ucinations

https://www.dementiauk.org/understandin ... -dementia/

https://www.verywellhealth.com/respondi ... ntia-98567

Sorry Alan I don't have first hand experience - some links while you wait for others to comment.

[Elaine]

Hi Alan,
Welcome.
So sorry to hear that your wife is suffering from this awful disease at such a young age. I have very little experience because my mother was very old and at the end of her life when she began to have ‘strange’ ideas and it did upset me at first. Many people on her are much more knowledgeable.
I have read and believe that to disagree and argue is not the way to cope. Others here have said previously that it is better to go along with it and change the subject as soon as you can then there is no upset and your wife will probably forget what she said.
I suppose it depends whether she has hallucinations, such as seeing someone in the room or a cat on the settee for example or whether it confabulation where she might say that she has been shopping or for a bus ride for example, when you know she has done no such thing.
I have heard –and I am no expert- that to go along with it and ‘pretend’ with her, briefly, helps her to dismiss the thought sooner. Also you might find that she ‘forgets’ that people she knew are no longer alive. If she asks if you have spoken to her deceased relative for example, don’t insist that the person is dead but lie kindly by saying ‘No, but I’ll try tomorrow. Shall I make you a cup of tea?’.
Calm, quiet answers which guide her away from the current delusion will help you both cope, or so I have read.
There is a load of information which will help you to read on the Alzheimer’s website, which covers all kinds of dementia. The previous post has given you the link.
Have you got any support or help at the moment? Are you still working full time?
There is a lot of information and help on this site which members will be only too pleased to help you with if you keep posting.
KInd Regards
Elaine

[Woodpecker]

This must be so hard for you especially because your wife is so young. My husband is 85 and has vascular dementia,so different situation. He sees people in his bedroom and odd birds in the garden. I just go along with him, but it doesn't worry me at all, although sometimes it is very strange. My husband also makes stories up i.e. says he has walked to paper shop for magazine, in fact he can't walk at all. If you can, just accept what your wife says and change the subject, as long as your wife isn't upset by what she sees that is easiest thing to do. My husband forgets so quickly I find it quite easy now (gets better with practice ) Sometimes it is rather funny!! as when he saw a buzzard nesting in the garden, that stayed around long enough to have chicks!!! I think life is confusing enough for my husband so I don't want to make it more so. Best of luck.

[Pet66]

I too used to go along with my now late husband's confabulations. Kind lies I thought of them. The only time I changed anything, was if he saw or felt he had experienced something horrid. Then I would say something on the lines if, oh love, you had your medication late and it caused you to have a nasty dream. He always accepted this, maybe even in his dementia world it was a relief? It became the norm to go along with other things although not easy. He was approximately 69 when we as a family first noticed odd behaviour. Started with frequent urinary tract infections.
Do keep posting, as hopefully it will help you to know that what you and your wife are experiencing isn't unusual.

[Albert_1604]

O yes, yes, as has been said you must go along with it.
"Go with the flow," as I am always saying.
If you try to argue it will only upset both your husband and you too.

At times what they say can be quite funny, so get some
entertainment from it.

When the logical meets the illogical there is no common ground.

[bowlingbun]

Alan,

Did you know your wife is probably entitled to PIP - Personal Independence Payments? This probably includes the mobility section too, as I doubt she can go out without you.
Did you know that she is exempt from council tax because of her dementia?