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Carers UK Forum • Coping with elderly parents alone - advice wanted
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Coping with elderly parents alone - advice wanted

Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2021 6:24 pm
by Trelawney_1812
Hello everyone
I am a carer for my elderly parents - Dad (88) and Mum (93). I do have a sibling but he lives in the US so I have to cope alone which I am finding quite challenging as I work part time myself and am in my late 50's so don't quite as much energy as I did 20 years ago(!). My Dad is the main carer for Mum but he is getting frail himself and Mum is now chair-bound and almost immobile. With the help of my husband we take care of the front and back gardens and I also do all the ringing round to all the health professionals etc as Mum and Dad are very hard of hearing. They have a paid carer come in to wash Mum in the morning but that's it so the house is not in a good way as you can imagine.

I am feeling pretty stressed and exhausted but what I am finding hard is the feeling of isolation - that is the media say we are the 'sandwich' generation and many are in a similar situation but yet despite having many friends my age I don't know of anyone in the same boat as me? I cannot find any groups on social media that deal with this issue.
I wondered if any one out there had any experience, suggests or general comments that might help me?
Thanks a lot! x

Re: Coping with elderly parents alone - advice wanted

Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2021 6:44 pm
by sunnydisposition
Hi Trelawney

Has there been a needs assessment for your parents. And a carers assessment for you. Do either or both you parents in receipt of attendance allowance.

Re: Coping with elderly parents alone - advice wanted

Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2021 6:57 pm
by Trelawney_1812
Hi Trelawney

Has there been a needs assessment for your parents. And a carers assessment for you. Do either or both you parents in receipt of attendance allowance.


Hi SD
Thanks for your message. I did forget to say Mum is currently in hospital for suspected gastroenteritis (luckily it wasn't) and now has 2 bed sores(!) - she will be out soon and guess they will do an assessment for Mum then - she is pretty stubborn so not sure how that will go. I have applied for a carer's assessment for me. Mum gets attendance allowance. Thanks.

Re: Coping with elderly parents alone - advice wanted

Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2021 8:44 pm
by sunnydisposition
The home from hospital assessment should be done before discharge.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-ca ... -hospital/

Re: Coping with elderly parents alone - advice wanted

Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2021 9:53 am
by bowlingbun
You MUST use this hospital discharge to make mum accept more outside care.
I know what she's telling hospital staff..."my daughter/husband will do it"!!
Prior to discharge the hospital should do a home assessment to make sure mum has all the aids and adaptations she needs for a safe discharge.
Did you know that she will be entitled to six weeks FREE "reablement care". Make sure she has this, and tell dad that he mustn't send them away, to sit back and let them help both of them.

Start talking to the Discharge Nurse at the hospital asap. Their sole aim is getting their beds back asap. Beware Friday discharges when they say the equipment is on it's way. It won't be. This is going to be the best chance you will ever have of improving the way mum is cared for, don't loose it!

Do not agree to discharge until everything is arranged, equipment provided, and you know who is going to provide the reablement care, when it will come, and the name of the manager of the service!

I've been involved with too many botched discharges in the family!