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Complex PTSD - at the end of my tether - Carers UK Forum

Complex PTSD - at the end of my tether

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
My husband has complex PTSD and was finally referred 2 years ago to local MH team (after 14 years of GP prescribing anti depressants and leaving me to get on with it).

He finally had EMDR last April / May, but since then nothing apart from meetings with CPN. I have asked for support, but because I work this is limited as groups are all held during the day. I have a choice as I am self-employed, take time off work and lose income or put up with being unsupported.

He had a review a couple of weeks ago, in which it stated that 'carer did not attend' no because I wasn't invited to give my views.

I am at the end of my tether, my own health is suffering because of his condition, and it doesn't matter how many times I ask for help, no one is interested in listening to how his condition affects me. The last straw is that my daughter, my only support at home, is moving out in January, and quite frankly I don't know how I am going to cope. We live in a very rural area, so don't have near neighbours to call on, and my family are at the other end of the country.

If I try to have time out, I am accused of having an affair, get the cold shoulder and am called vile names. I am so sick of my life at the moment that I can't see any way out.
Hi Chris,
Have you contacted Social Services? They have a legal duty to complete a "Carers Assessment", even if your husband doesn't want a Needs Assessment. Make sure you see them in person, in a place where you are alone, able to express your true feelings in privacy and confidence. If you husband is being so unkind, then why stay? You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness, and so is he. Maybe he's frightened of something deep down, as a result of his experience? Some people here have just walked out of the room when they have been subject to verbal abuse, because that's what it is. Have you tried this? Relate (Marriage Guidance) have some books. Even if you can't get to counselling, which is a shame, perhaps these might help you find a way forward?
I'm sort of echoing Bowling Bun here - you say your husband is sometimes quite nasty to you and about you - but is he nice to you as well? Is he loving and affectionate and appreciative of what you do? If so, then yes, the relationship might be worth continuing to invest in, continuing to work at.

But if he really is just 'nasty' then, indeed, what is there for you to stay for? Habit? pity? 'Survivor guilt' (ie, that you are mentally well and he is not)? (you say complex PTSD - what was the original trauma - I ask only in case it is relevant to the situation!)

You say your daughter is moving out - what does she think of the situation? Is she moving because her own life is moving on, or because she, too, finds the situation unbearable?

If you 'stood up' to your husband when he makes such nasty accusations at you, how do you think he would react? Is he 'testing' you to see what you will put up with, so that he can feel 'safe' that you won't 'abandon' him, for example? (one possibility)

I hope that coming here to this forum will help you get to grips mentally with your situation, and hopefully find a way forward to a less unhappy life for you - kind regards to you in difficult times....Jenny
I have had a carers assessment - they gave me a list of local carers support groups all during the day. Carers support service say I should see a counsellor - no good to me as they know nothing about PTSD (have been down that route).

Spent today with my husband basically not speaking to me more than the absolute bare minimum. This is no way to live.
Chris, there are all sorts of counsellors. Please don't write them all off because of a bad experience with one. I'm regarded as a very "strong" person but a series of major events, whilst also coping with two carees, had me on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Counselling for me was a very positive experience. Could you try and find another. It should be more about you than the PTSD itself. I learned that I couldn't change the behaviour of others much, but I could change the way I responded to them.
Would it be possible to search for counsellors who are trained in PSTD counselling over the net, and even if they are not local, to have some kind of interactive online sessions, eg via Skype with them?
Hi Chris, I have sent you a private message.

Many thanks,

Sally.
Hi Sally

This is a very old topic (2014) - the original poster has only ever posted 2 messages, both on 29 Nov 2014. They last visited the forum on 20 Aug 2020 but didn't post at that time.

Regards
Susie
Moderator