[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Hello - thanks for reading - Carers UK Forum

Hello - thanks for reading

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am so tired and sometimes feel so lonely - not from contact but Sort of in my head because it seems I have to carry so much information and planning and mostly for everybody else. Have got to a stage where I am not sure whether it's worth trying to go to bed some nights as the sleep is so disturbed / short / unuseful that it seems as if it's better just to stay up an watch something fairly inane because at least I won't be running around.
Husband has multiple co-morbid conditions but the most significant (after surviving advanced bowel cancer) is brittle asthma with COPD... Nebulisers, O2 tanks, 50+ meds every day, now a wheelchair user if we want to go out and do anything, plus two (wonderful but incredibly busy) teenagers and I am a senior member of staff in a big secondary school - 50+ hrs pw at work and then everything else at home. My Dad died last august 2 days after husband discharged from hospital after another 7 dad inside because of life threatening brittle asthma attack and he - husband - has been hospitalised for 5-10 days every 2 months in last year. Exhausted. Have reconciled myself to seeing GP next week - not sure why or what to say or what she can do but hey! Just so exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically - thanks for reading. Fathers Day has been surreal as it could be husbands last and it's the first one without my own dad.
Hi, a very, very quick initial reply - my first thought on reading your email, and the huge hideous burden of care you describe was to wonder whether, at this point, you simply have to take gardening leave from work, to get that burden off your back.....

That said, of course, maybe your family is totally reliant on your salary financially.....

If so, perhaps other members may be able to suggest ways to ease some of this nightmare stress on you.

All the very best possible - what an horrendous situation for you..... Kindest regards, Jenny
Marian, this is an impossible workload. There are a number of us here with lifelong health problems as a result of caring. You are hurtling towards this, juggling with eggs about to go splat. You don't mention any help or support. Has your husband had a needs assessment from Social Services? When was your Carers Assessment last updated? Do your children help with jobs at home? I understand you want to keep your job but is that practical? Are you talking to school about working fewer hours? You are protected by disability discrmination legislation and school have a duty to make reasonable adjustments. I had counselling when I faced a similar set of misfortunes, to help me sort out my priorities and get things back together again. Take care of yourself, and at least discuss with your doctor how you feel. .
PS Has anyone mentioned NHS Continuing Healthcare to you. It might be worth asking your doctor about this. It can be difficult to get, depends on where you live to some extent, but you should be aware of it.
I suppose I had assumed that, given my salary / income, we would not be eligible for any sort of needs assessment or carers assessment - am I wrong here? Thanks for any supportive responses.
Re. My employer - absolutely brilliant and supportive and I have a superb headteacher who has virtually "instructed" me to do only what I can when I can - work expectations are self-imposed I suppose but are an important element of my identity and something - perversely - which I can control - if that makes sense. M
I understand totally. When my son was about 8 years old, and horribly hyperactive, my "escapism" was studying for an Honours degree in Business Studies. Mainly to prove to myself that the little grey cells had not died, and to give them a bit of exercise!
Anyone can have a free assessment from Social Services, they might know of things in the area to help you both, and it might help just to talk through the challenges you face and your fears for the future. Services vary so much from area to area that it's difficult to be more specific. In my area carers have free Pamper Days, for example. Meeting other carers can be very helpful - the easiest way to find things out is to ask someone in a similar position. Are you being kind to yourself? I used to bully myself to keep going. Now I think that it's important to rest...so even if the jobs aren't all done I'm going to have a warm bath and early night!
Welcome to the forum, Marian.

You asked the question what can the GP do. Well, he/she can give you 'time out' from work so you can focus on your husband and yourself. Your husband's time with you is limited, work isn't and will still be there when you need it. As a teacher, you have the opportunity to take a good chunk of time out on sick leave and not sleeping is a classic sign of stress...

Sending hugs.
Hi Marian,

Not sure where you live and also not sure if it's going to be any help for you but we have a free service that will match you with a mentor. It's only in England though.

This will be a trained volunteer who has some experience themselves of caring. The support is delivered online - much like this forum, but it's confidential between you and the mentor. Some people find it helpful to have someone impartial to bounce ideas off. Especially someone who understands the pressures.

If you're interested you can register here
http://timebank.org.uk/carers-together/ ... m-a-mentor

Thank you, all, for your support and advice. In response to some of your questions: yes, the children are amazing and in some respects more resilient than I am but we have worked with a stunning pastoral team at their school and both have either a counsellor or tutor whom they can access at any time - and one of them has and the other has found it easier just knowing that the safety net is there.
I have started to take up offers of help at work including colleagues offering to take a project off me and so on and I am finally reconciling myself to the fact that no one thinks of this as a weakness - far from it. Ironically I am regarded as one of the most approachable and supportive member of SLT and lead the standard in supporting other colleagues - I suppose just joining Carers UK and acknowledging where I am up to has helped enormously this week. I may be Wonder Woman in the eyes of others but I can just be me in my jamas watching telly and surfing and that's equally ok.
Will keep posting as it does help and will keep appointment with GP on Monday. Thanks