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Christmas - Carers UK Forum

Christmas

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I always loved Christmas but today has been really awful . When your feeling low it doesn’t take much to knock you down. I went to visit my dad in hospital today and whilst there my son sent me a photo of his 1st xmas dinner he had made for him and his partner. He had told me that he was spending Xmas eve with his in-laws then we were all invited to him at 3pm on Christmas Day and he would do a buffet for us then he would come to us for Xmas dinner on Boxing Day. I agreed and cooked a ham ,beef etc to take with me then rushed to see my dad before going to my sons , what he fogot to say was that he was having Xmas dinner so we’re the in-laws . I thought that we were all not having a dinner but going to him as we usually have our dinner st 3. My husband has terminal cancer so this year I really wanted to be special but instead of enjoying the Christmas celebration I got so upset as I’ve always done s dinner and this year we’ve gone without because our son really miscommunicated. I tried tell my son why I was so upset but we’ve ended up arguing. I again feel to blame and so guilty. Something so small has really made me feel so low. Is this normal when your down. Sorry to moan again but everything seems to be getting so hard and I know it’s just going to get worse.
Hi Alison
Sorry to read you had such a distressing Christmas. I think it is one of those times in life when it feels as if no no can do or say the right thing. No one has a magic wand to wave and everyone has different views on what is the right way to deal with a difficult situation- give people space, involve them, take their mind of it , take over, ignore them completely- the whole spectrum of reactions. Your son is no doubt juggling with his own emotions and trying to keep all parties happy and involved, and making new traditions of his own.
I am sure , however , everyone will completely understand why you got upset , it is hard when family traditions change. I've gone from being family taxi and mediator to the Vicar of Dibley this year.
I hope you have some restful time today and manage some quality time one way or another this Boxing Day.
Hi Alison
It is a difficult time isn't it. I've gone from being the busy Mother, Grandmother, holding family together in a way, to fitting in with their time now. DD1 yesterday was fitting my DD2, and family, her eldest daughter, who wanted, understandably to have her 1st Christmas dinner in her new house with her partner. She invited us, her partner's parents and grandparents for the evening. Me, I just followed! Deep down, wishing things were as they were before hubby's demise, but afraid that wish will never come true.
I've had to learn to take a step back, and feel happy that I am not discounted. You weren't discounted either, on reading your post, your son was trying to please everyone. Ahh, he seemed so proud of his attempt at Christmas dinner, he wanted to show you. I understand, believe me, the emotions you are feeling, but if you can, try to turn this negative emotion, into a positive. You know you are important, and loved, that's the best thing. Enjoy today, as much as you can.
Oh Alison,
You have do much going on with your Dad in hospital, your husband so poorly, no wonder you are getting upset over other things. Your emotions are understandably all over the place. Add to the that the fact that Christmas is an emotive time - tears were inevitable. I'm sorry there was such a muddle up over the meals and your son didn't explain properly.
Is there anyway you can all arrange to have a seasonal meal together, to create a happier memory than the Christmas Day saga?
(((Hugs)))

Melly1
Thank you all what sense you make. My son text( the new talking) me last night and I text back so they are coming to ours for dinner today. As you said he’s trying his best it’s just so different than my way( involve and invite parents to ours) but whose right and whose wrong . I think you’ve answered that for me “nobody” it’s just different and yes it would be nice if everything was back to the way it used to be but that’s never going to happen. So I’ve got to try and stop moaning getting upset and get on with it. In other words stop feeling sorry for myself😀Enjoy your Boxing Day and the rest of your Christmas holidays Thank you again it really does help to know your all out there ready to help with sensible but sympathetic words