My husband at the young age of 59 suffered 2 strokes but was lucky in that it affected his recall, dysphasia and very slight right side (This has righted itself). My biggest problem is dealing with the solitude that you experience with a partner that is exhausted from trying to process, listen and talk at work and then comes home and is frustrated, tired, never smiles, half glass full very negative and not the man I remember. I feel guilty of I go out, even though he doesn’t mind. I feel helpless even though I continually have to remind him of how lucky he was, consultants and stroke clinician say how amazing he is doing, be patient, be kind to yourself, and it’s exhausting. He will put a facade on to others but not me…..I get the real man. Just wondered if anybody else has experience of this. To top it off, having a live of music, since the stroke, his hearing/audiology has changed and this is his biggest cause for unhappiness. Stroke didn’t affect that part of his brain but it has only happened since the stroke. Hearing aids now and not a happy bunny. Tired now as 2:37am. Offloaded
Welcome to the forum.
In 2006, when I was 54, my life was changed forever by an 18 year old who lost control of his car and hit my car head on. I loved my old life, fit, strong, always on the go, up for anything. In one enormous bang I became someone in constant pain, who could hardly walk, waking up to 13 times a night. Knee replacements in 2009 and 2011 helped but I can't kneel down. My shoulders, elbows, wrists, fingers have arthritis. I missed my old body every day. By chance I was driving my late husband's Range Rover, not my Escort. The police told me I'd have been killed if I'd been in that. I don't need reminders. I know I'm lucky to have survived but that doesn't help me actually live my "new" life with a seriously damaged body. Your husband is struggling, doing his best in difficult circumstances. He doesn't need reminders that he is "lucky", every day is tough. When did you last have a holiday, a chance to relax, together? Your " old husband is still there, inside himself, as I am. I now have a different life, but it took time. Try to think of what you are both going through as a mourning process, grieve together, but find a way of working round what has happened. Does he need a less challenging job? Can life at home be less demanding? Are you both worried about finances?