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Caught in the middle - Carers UK Forum

Caught in the middle

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am new to this and this is my first post.

I have been a carer for the past 10 years for my now 83 year old mother. About 2 years ago i met a wonderful lady and have fallen in love, I thought my mother would be happy for me, but alas it just causes arguments when i go out with my lady friend. I am now at my wits end and don't know what to do. I love this lady but also love my mother but it is becoming more and more difficult to do the things i want to do, I.e. to go out when i want, to stay over at my girlfriends house etc, etc. Does anyone have any advise for me, a weekend away would be nice but there is no overnight care in my area (Dorset).
Hello David and welcome to the forum Image

Personally I have no words of wisdom to give but I'm going to move your post to the New Members section where more wiser people than I will see it and hopefully be able to give you some good advice.
Hello, how wonderful that you have found love at last - goes to show that it is never too late! I have no words of wisdom either & gave up giving out advice once I realized I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, but it was refreshing to come to such a sane decision, be it rather late in the day. However you should stick with this relationship & love will find a way - it generally does - I am sure your new lady friend understands fully your predicament & supports you in all that you do as you do her. But do pursue that ''care in your area'' issue or possible beg someone you trust implicitly to step in & fill the breach as it were. you do sound very anxious about this situation understandably - but calm down & think logically - ''this can work & will work'' others have been through this & others will go through this, as you will to. Take care, good luck in love & above all enjoy. God bless.
Have you been in touch with Social/Adult services for an up to date needs assessment for mum and a carers assessment for you, which will give you the opportunity of discussing your dilemma. Don't let go of the love of your life, you must find a way through, somehow.
Hi david and welcome Image its a difficult situation isnt it? You mum just might need a little more time to come round and adjust. Also, she has been used to having you all to herself, and she might be worrying about whats going to happen to her,should you relationship progress further.
Sometimes these elderly mums (and i have one that i look after) can become quite "self absorbed" and tend to forget that you have a life to live as well as caring for them.
You have found somebody special, someone that you love, you cant let that go David.

Good Luck and best wishes. x