Carole1 - newbie here

[purpleminion]

hi ive only just joined this site and knowing that is here for help and advise is a great relief
im not sure what to say really just that im very upset as ive been in denial regarding my mum for a long time it wasnt until she was in hospital for afew days due to an infection and her doctor actually made comments about her suffering with demantia that i realised that she needs help so last week i rang the doctor and spoke to him about how bad she has got with her memory he has suggested having her assessed by the hospital as she just doesnt accept that she needs help and refuses to have help
i dont want her to lose her independance as she lives on her own and does most things for herself
i also feel really guilty and that im betraying her by going behind her back
im just lost at the moment

[paulingreece]

Hi Carole and welcome to the forum, we all feel this guilt sometimes, but we do it for the love we have for the person we are caring for. Take care, and i hope you get some positive news from the assesment.

[no1mum]

Hi Carole and welcome.
We all get those guilt feeling at times. Plenty of support and advice to be found on here.

Karen x x

[surfingpiglet]

HI - I had to do the same with my Dad a a couple of years ago. You feel really guilty at the time , but it is the right thing to do. It took me a few weeks to even tell Mum but turned out she wanted to say to the GP, but Dad was always with her.

Relief all round as a sympathetic GP can pretend to do the tests as routine - at least his did. He never suspected, but got onto the right treatment sooner than he may have.

There are treatments and the sooner she is assessed the sooner she will get on them.

Best of luck. Chin up. You did the right thing. Honestly.
sp

[rosemary]

Hi Carole,

I seperated your post from the other thread for members to see.

x x

[purpleminion]

thank you for the support
i was down to see my mum today and went through what was going to happen not sure how much sunk in as the amount of times ive had the same conversation with her is scary but now im in the right mindset
she is still my mum and knows that im still her daughter who loves her and wants whats best for her
so time will tell on what will happen once she has had her assessement then hopefully things will get easier for her and less worrying for me

[delboy]

Hi carol there are many here that can relate to your plight , you have done the right thing hard it may of been at the time , look to the future you have many friends watching out for you

[purpleminion]

i had afew tears when i read that message but at the same time i feel relief as ive found others that know how i feel
thank you does not feel the right words to say but thats all i can say at the moment i had a really good day with my mum today and thats what i keep reminding myself of now i did go through something very similar with what im going through now with my dad over 8 years ago and at the time i didnt get alot of support from anyone especially family wise i did work out eventually what i was feeling and going through with a couple of friends but knowing there is a site out there like this has helped big time
im just dreading that time where she doesnt know who i am as my dad went through that faze and also i feel really guilty still about the fact that towards the end i just wanted him to die as he wasnt my dad anymore and i would give anything not to go down that path again with my mum as im so close to her have always been close to her she has been my best friend for all my life
it took me till his birthday for me to suddenly realise he wasnt there anymore as i felt such hatred towards the man he became
i dont want that to happen with my mum i love her so much it hurts
sorry

[no1mum]

You're amongst friends here.

Karen x x

[delboy]

There has been many that have felt the same as you . My lyn felt the same about her dad we have to be relistic at certain times in our lives , none of us want to see our love ones suffer Things will work out in the end I'm sure , stay strong our thoughts are with you .