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Carers UK Forum • Caring is the loneliest job in the world!
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Caring is the loneliest job in the world!

Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2015 7:55 am
by TonyM
Good morning one and all. I was scrolling around the dreaded Facebook when I came across a link to this site and its forum. I must say that I am delighted to find that such exists as I know that there are many thousands out there just like me. To keep this brief let me just say that I am 58 and have been caring for my darling wife since Xmas 2007 when she was struck down by the cruelty of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis Together with our 12 year old daughter I look after her 24/7 as an unpaid scivvy, nurse, doctor, confidante,bed changer, etc.,etc.. In short her carer. I look forward to reading all of the posts on this forum over the coming weeks and hopefully getting to know a few of you.

Re: Caring is the loneliest job in the world!

Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2015 9:04 am
by bowlingbun
Hi Tony, welcome to the forum. Have you asked Social Services to do a "Needs Assessment" for your wife, and a "Carers Assessment" for you? It's really important that you have some time off from caring, especially as you have a child. Find out if there is a "Young Carers" group in your area too.

Re: Caring is the loneliest job in the world!

Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2015 2:58 pm
by Stephanie_1502
Afternoon Tony

Glad you found us. Hope we can provide you with some friendly chats and somewhere to offload. You'll find many of us use this site to vent, as well as to get advice from others in a similar situation.

Steph x

Re: Caring is the loneliest job in the world!

Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 7:48 am
by MumWhoCares
Welcome, Tony! Lots of people in the same boat so you'll be in good company here :)

Re: Caring is the loneliest job in the world!

Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 7:23 am
by TonyM
bowlingbun wrote:Hi Tony, welcome to the forum. Have you asked Social Services to do a "Needs Assessment" for your wife, and a "Carers Assessment" for you? It's really important that you have some time off from caring, especially as you have a child. Find out if there is a "Young Carers" group in your area too.
Thanks for that. Our daughter is a member of the Young Carers group and gets a lot of benefit from it. I had an assessment about a year ago and as even awarded a £500 grant which I invested in an Art Course and all the bits and pieces required. The challenge is that to date I have not even had time to start. The garden takes up most of any spare time in the summer. However this winter I have vowed to get stuck into it...........time permitting lol

Re: Caring is the loneliest job in the world!

Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 7:41 am
by bowlingbun
Hi Tony, is the garden a joy or a chore? I was disabled in a car accident a few years ago, and can no longer kneel down to do borders. Eldest son bullied me to get rid of every single border. Really difficult, as we made this garden from scratch. However, it's so much easier to look after. My sons cut the lawn, just a plain rectangle now, 30 minutes and the job is done. We put a patio across the back of the house, with deep "vegetable" troughs full of hydrangeas, fuschias, etc. which I look after sat on my own mechanic's seat (every home should have one!) So now I can sit on the patio, admiring my flowers and lawn, without always spotting jobs that need doing. Great. Wish we'd done it years ago.

Re: Caring is the loneliest job in the world!

Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 5:55 am
by TonyM
Hi Bowlingbun (love the name) Gardening is more of an escape than anything else. I can switch off from everything else. Kneeling is painful as I now have osteo-arthritis in both knees, one of which should be replaced during 2016. When we moved here 2.5 years ago we started with a large blank canvas as the majority of the garden had been levelled with dodgy topsoil and then laid to even dodgier lawn by distinct amateurs (not that I'm an expert lol) I have created some large borders, a kitchen garden and this year I put in a fish pond. We do have a good sized patio as I am a sun lover plus it is ideal to place our daughter's 12ft swimming pool. Sadly this year she hardly used it. Over the winter I am going to extend the kitchen garden and build a large butterfly free cage in it as I am sick of having everything eaten by the cabbage white caterpillars. I am lucky to have a 21 ft x 6 ft greenhouse (a plastic one which is great) I am also going to put bark on all the borders as weeding is becoming a bit of a chore with the knee challenges.

Re: Caring is the loneliest job in the world!

Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 4:10 pm
by Rosie_1508
Hi Tony I'am sure you will find this forum a great place to vent, chat and make new friends. I havent been here long but find it a great help just to type out my frustrations and listen to any advice.

I love gardening and like you find it a way to escape everyday things. I have had to start from scratch this year as we had only just moved and it was such a mess but looked lovely over summer, so well worth the work for me. It must be very differcult for you though with dodgy knees just don't forget to look after yourself as I know from experience as a carer it is easy to forget or put your health on a back burner.