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Caring for wife and child - Page 5 - Carers UK Forum

Caring for wife and child

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I would personally say go to your GP, and say that you want counselling, and warn them that you are seriously planning to move out of the marital home. Ask the GP what will happen to your wife and children if you are no longer in residence.

I would say the same to the social workers as well.

I think it's important to know what will happen when you are 'not there'.

You also have to consider whether you want to take the children with you? If so, how does that happen? If your wife contests it presumably it has to go to a family court for a decision.

What are the practicalities for you of moving out on your own/with the children? What will you live on? Where will you live?

I'm not saying this to indicate how difficult it will be - you know that already - but to indicate that if you run a 'Project Move Out' and plan what you will be doing, and how, then you will be more in control. Don't just 'walk out' on impulse, so to speak.

Do you think that talking to your wife by saying 'I'm going to leave I can't cope with this any more' will make her realise what is at stake and actually 'improve' her mental attitude at least? Or will she just reach for the suicide option again??? (And if so, is that to 'control' you - ie, to stop you leaving - or because she genuinely thinks you'll be better off without her?)
Jenny Lucas.

A few suicide attempts ago I was close to leaving and she told me then that I would have to take the kids as she isn’t able to look after them (physically and mentally)

I’m sure she’s aware of my feelings, but it’s a conversation I’m scared of having as I fear she’ll attempt suicide again (but that’s also not a healthy reason to stay with her).

I sleep on the couch now, so hopefully would be able to continue that until one of us moves out. . .

It’s been on my mind for a few months. . .

I have an erratic heart rate which according to my GP is due to stress, so I also have to consider my wellbeing.

I’ll contact my GP or my nurse (she does caring for caters) and look into making a “project leave” plan up.

And see if I can’t get social services to return my calls (or ask the lady from my local carer group if she can’t help with that)
If Social Services aren't doing what they should, send a complaint letter to the Director of Social Services for your LA, at "head office" not the local office, who are clearly useless.
I’ve managed to get a GP appointment for the 14th and a carers appointment the week before that.

So hopefully will have some answers.

Thank you bowlingbun and Jenny Lucas for being supportive ...

It’s very much appreciated
The PTSD is due to a crime I did read in a magazine that a lady who had been sexually assaulted by a relative, similar situation to your wifes. They went to the Police and the criminal injurys board, she was awarded compensation which she used to get long term councelling/psychotherapy.

Bit of a long shot but maybe worth a try.

She already received compensation 22 year ago, at the time she gave it away because she didn’t want “his money” as it made her feel like a prostitute ...

I don’t think she could get it twice

She had a wee bit of counselling when she was 17, but the day she turned 18 they just dropped her.

She asked for help a few times since then but after has never received consistent support.

Her last support was about 2 years ago for 6 weeks and then the person that supported her left the job.

She has just seen her successor last week for the first time (that’s how long the waiting list is). . .

She received a few phone calls in the last 2 years (mainly where they pass her from pillar to post) where they tell her that she is a priority and was on the waiting list.
How annoying she gave the compensation away. Sex crimes are NO different from any other - if she'd just been 'beaten up' instead of sexually assaulted, I'm sure she'd have taken the money. So 'irritating' (!) that she thought it made her a 'prostitute'!
The NHS just don't give constant support, I got 6 sessions counselling that was that, its not what you need, its what is on offer.

Have you tried charitys for counselling, around my area a couple of charitys got money from the lottery and do counselling, just google counselling in your area or GP , social services or carers place should be able to advise.

most just ask for a donation what you can afford.

completely agree, but at that time she wasn’t in a right state of mind.
The day she turned 18 (she was awarded it before then, but couldnt do anything to it) she went to the bank and closed the account thereby withdrawing all the money and just gave it all away ...

She has since said that she wished she used it for private therapy or something, but nobody can rewind time. . .

There should have been guidance or something to safeguard that she was mentally ready to be in control of the compensation.

Londonbound, one of the problems is that we live in the middle of nowhere and there is absolutely no funding for anything. . .

We’ve contacted a few charities and she has seen a few mental health support people, but most stop seeing her before she feels safe enough to open up ...

I’m seeing my carers place tomorrow.
There must be somewhere, what council are you? if you can tell me this, if not fair enough, But you can get counselling over the phone nowadays, I have a caree who is going through exactly the same issue.

They have gone private luckily the family have a good income, I realise you cannot do that probably but that's what your wife needs LONG TERM therapy to help with the issues.