Caring for wife and child

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Contact the Carers UK helpline, by email, not phone. I think you might be missing out, as your wife could be the carer for your son, and you the carer for her. However, you really do need to speak to the helpline about your personal circumstances before you do this, as there might be other implications I don't know about.
How old is your son? Did you know that when he reaches 16 he may be entitled to Income Support even though he's at school? Again, you need to talk to the helpline. My own son qualified, but he's now 38, and I wasn't on benefits then, so your situation is different.
son is 10

will email carers uk tomorrow

thanks for the tip
Quick update

i've got an email from my local carers branch with a number to call for a care manager and an assessment...

i think it's time i pick a time and tell my wife that i need to make the call and try and get respite...

it didn't go very well last time, so wish me luck...


Thanks a lot Bowlingbun & Jenny Lucas for making me feel less guilty for wanting to put myself first...
it's a strange feeling having other people help me for a change and i just wanted to express my thanks...
Yes, it's a shame that when we carers are trying so hard to do our best, we get so little support ourselves. However, the more help we get, the longer we can care, so it actually makes good economic sense, long term.
You're more than welcome! I've always thought that the real benefit of this forum is that others IMMEDIATLYE know why one has joined! ie, because things are stress for whatever particular reason.

If you could see us, we'd all be wearing the 'I know what you're going through!' tee-shirt! (You are too now!!)

You DO need a break - everyone needs a break from stress, and considering how much you are giving up for your wife, she can fairly be expected to 'give up' something as well, for YOU.

As well as the NSPCC, I'm sure there must be plenty of forums online for survivors of childhood abuse. Why not check some of them out, and see whether any of them would suit both you, and your wife. Again, just as with this carers forum, to be amongst others who 'know what it's like' can make ALL the difference to coping with it.
bowlingbun wrote: Yes, it's a shame that when we carers are trying so hard to do our best, we get so little support ourselves. However, the more help we get, the longer we can care, so it actually makes good economic sense, long term.
Very true, just wish that the people higher up realised this
jenny lucas wrote: You're more than welcome! I've always thought that the real benefit of this forum is that others IMMEDIATLYE know why one has joined! ie, because things are stress for whatever particular reason.

If you could see us, we'd all be wearing the 'I know what you're going through!' tee-shirt! (You are too now!!)

You DO need a break - everyone needs a break from stress, and considering how much you are giving up for your wife, she can fairly be expected to 'give up' something as well, for YOU.
Yeah, it was a brilliant feeling to felt understood...

Regarding the NSPCC thing, i'm busy investigating that and hopefully we'll get somewhere... or at least find a possible avenue on the forums there


Definitely light at the end of the tunnel thanks to you 2
I'm glad we've helped to shine a torch down the tunnel. It helps enormously to know there are 'others like us' and that whatever our particular circumstances the 'care net' has caught us all. Love is SO important, but sometimes not enough on its own alas.

All the very best with the NSPCC or other children's charity guidance re PTSD in later years.

A quick google under Adult Victims of Child Abuse Trauma throws up quite a few forums that might be useful both for your wife, and for you as her husband, such as:

https://www.safeline.org.uk/

http://www.sosaa.org.uk/

https://www.children1st.org.uk

https://www.havoca.org/resources/forum/

http://isurvive.org/

Worth checking out. one thing is for sure, sadly and grimly, you and your wife are not alone in dealing with this dreadful trauma.

Wishing you all a better future, however that can be managed. Sometimes, improving something on 'one front' can act as a releae and lighten the overall load, and also lead the way to tackling other areas of stress, and I do hope that is the case for you and your family.

Kindest regards - you'll always get a sympathetic hearing here! Jenny
Sorry for the late reply,

But I’ve been soul searching and came to a few realisations and kinda want your help in how to go forward...

Caring for my wife is bad for my health...
it’s actually to the point that I’m seriously considering leaving her...

The only reason I’m still with her is the kids (wrong reason, I know) ...


At the end of the day she is the mother to our children and even though I have fallen out of love with her, I still care about her wellbeing...

My question is, where do I go from here???

Do I call social services and explain that she needs help with care so I can move out? ? ?
This is definitely the point at which you should have counselling so that whatever decision you make is the right one for you, long term, that it is discussed, talked through, planned for etc. because there is a lot to think about, so you are clear what you are doing and why. Especially how you can help your kids to understand what is happening, and why.
Thanks Bowlingbun.

It’s not a decision that came lightly. . .

But I just can’t do it anymore.

Where do I ask for counselling?

Do I contact my GP (i still haven’t had a care assessment even after asking in March, so don’t have a coordinator) ?

I just don’t know what to do next.