Caring for wife and child

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi, this is my first post

I’ve been a carer for my wife for about 10 years now without any respite.
I’m also my sons carer for about 7 years now

Lately I feel like my wife’s carer, but no longer like her husband. I understand that she’s getting worse, but my life is just 24/7 caring for others and I haven’t got time for myself

I still care for her, but to be blunt I need a break from her and the kids


Am I being selfish???

If not how do I go from here???
Hi long term, welcome to the forum.
Can I ask what is wrong with your wife? Do you get any outside help at all?
Hi long term, welcome to the forum.
Can I ask what is wrong with your wife? Do you get any outside help at all?
hi bowlingbun,

my wife has various mental and physical disabilities. (i can give a full list if needed)
she is not wheelchair bound, but has got mobility issues and severe pain


outside help is 0

she has M.E. meaning she sleeps a lot and we have 2 kids (1 with autism)

she has bad depression (not helped by physical problems) and if i don't monitor her pill intake she will
a) take the lot or
b) not take any at all

the closest thing to a break i get is getting her medication during school time
In that case, it's time to ask Social Services to do a Needs Assessment for your wife AND your autistic child, and a Carers Assessment for you. As the family grow up, they need to have a dad who can take them out and play with them, etc. etc. Have you had any benefits advice? Presumably your wife is claiming PIP? Is your child claiming DLA? Are you aware of the Family Fund? Are there any special needs summer playschemes in your area. (My son is 38, brain damaged at birth, mental age about 3-4 years old).
i've asked the social for help and i'm not getting anywhere...

because i don't neglect my son he doesn't fall under mainstream social services
and he isn't disabled enough to fall under the disability team as he is academically clever...

i asked for a carers asessment and was told that there is no point in one as everyone ends up financially worse off and it's a waste of time...

i has a financial advisor out a while ago and he told me that we are getting all that we're eligible for...

i'm aware off family fund, they bought us a new bed after we had to move last year...

my son can't go to the playschemes without my supervision as he used to escape from his last SEN school and is classed as a high risk (escape wise)
Even though your son is not at present registered with Social Services. He is still entitled to be. If he is at school there should be SEN meetings for him. This should highlight the risks he poses to himself and others. In turn this information can be used for PIP for him. He sounds like he needs to be currently supervised. Is there a carers organisation in your area.
Are you confusing applying for Carers Allowance from DWP, with a Carers Needs Assessment from Social Services? He clearly does have special needs if he's running away etc.
Sorry, he is on DLA (under 16) and in a SEN school (another one).

The EHCP meeting don’t have the social there as they can’t offer support (their words)..

I get carers allowance

I was on about carers assessment as I was told that’s how I get respite.

The social said that the assessment is a waste of time as everyone is worse off and if I want respite I put x amount of his DLA aside and save up (as that’s what his DLA is for)
And I’ve just learned of a local carers group and have made initial contact via email.

The lovely Laura at Facebook messenger gave me the link for my local group