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Caring for my Mum - Carers UK Forum

Caring for my Mum

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello I'm Kate, I'm 19 and I've been caring for my Mum since I was 13.
Here's a bit of background info.

She was diagnosed with psychosis/Schizophrenia and sectioned twice for 1 month periods when I was 13-14. Since the 2nd hospitalization she'd been taking medication properly and she's much better in that respect.
The medication over time, has left her with considerable side effects, namely no motivation, speech restriction and really no independence.

Obviously I am happy she hasn't become ill again, but it almost feels like the side effects of the meds are an illness in themselves. She gained considerable weight on her medication, which is now exasperated by her diet, gets anxious and depressed.

All of the housework falls on me, putting the trash out, making sure she takes care of herself (Eats healthy/washes etc) Finding out bus routes for if she has to go places, getting the shopping in and monitoring how she spends money-we're not well off and she isn't good at saving.

Honestly just the keeping on top of a large house with cleaning is more than I feel capable of, between full time education and trying to find a job.

I'm happy to look after my mum and make her life better, but sometimes it really does get on top of me.
I feel a bit resentful that I became the 'parent' figure so young, and with no support-And then feel guilty for feeling that way!. I find it really hard to make close relationships with people, since I worry about how they will react to my mum, the amount of jokes I hear about mental illness... How do you introduce people to something they can't understand?

I just feel really alone in my situation, and it feels like it is going downhill. It's always been hard, but I used to feel much stronger and able to do it all.
I have a terrible relationship with food now, either eating v little for a while, and then eating tonnes and getting rid of it 1 way or the other. I feel guilty for wasting so much energy on that when I could be using it on taking care of my Mum, but I'm not sure how to deal without it.

I guess I'm in a bit of a rut, I don't know if anyone will have any advice, but it's nice to be
able to talk in a place where people really understand.

I really want to be the best I can for my Mum and make her life better, but it feels impossible to with this bothering me.

Sorry I went on for so long... Thanks for listening Image
Hi Bumblebee (lovely name !)

Welcome to the forum; you sound very young to have to cope with so much responsibility. Do you have any support from family, social services, your GP or teachers ?

there are a number of organisations that are geared to help young people in your position, here are a few that you might find useful:

www.youngcarer.com/showPage.php?file=200711125855.htm
www.NHS.uk/CarersDirect
www.Direct.gov.uk/Disability
www.barnardos.org.uk/what_we_do/.../young_carers.htm

but in the meantime, please come and post here - we all understand when it gets to be too much !

susieq
Hello Bumble Bee, you've come to the right place for help and support. Everyone on here understands your plight. We all have similar problems to a lesser or greater degree, so post away and we'll all listen and offer help if we can. Hey and you didn't 'go on' too long at all!
I think it's tragic that you had to be a young Carer with little or no help at all! I really hope things get better for you soon.

Pete
Welcome to the forum

Rosemary
x x
Hi Bumblebee,

Welcome to the forum. I really feel for you, you must have grown up very quickly to be able to deal with caring for your mum and running the household. It does sound like you could do with some support and I'm sure you will get some good advice from the members on this forum.

Do seek some help asap if only to make life a little easier for yourself. Keep your chin up and keep posting.

Best wishes,
Elaine.
Hi bumblebee and a very warm welcome to the forum.

Karen x x
Hello and welcome to the forum Image
Hello and welcome Image

Well done! You are an excellent young Carer!!!

I am mental health Carer too but I cannot imagine if I were at your age and caring for my parents...MH is unpredictable condition and taking medication can cause or contribute to develop some other health concern.

I hope you are getting some support for yourself from Carers Service in your area.

Take care.
Hi Bumblebee and welcome Image
Hi Bumblebee, so sorry to hear you are finding it so hard at present, people who care for relatives with mental health problems often forget to look after themselves, you need to take timeout for yourself, caring from a very young age means you miss out on the things in life that matter, and yes it is exceptionly hard to get people to understand mental health issues and the effects it has on the carers every day life. Never forget what a wonderful person you are for the sacrifice you make for your mother, i wish you all the best for the future and hope you can find the help you need, keep your chin up and remember there are people here to help and support you.