Caring for my dad

[Mandy_2205]

Hi my name is mandy and I'm feeling angry ,depressed and fed up.
I currently am caring for my dad ,my mum passed 2yrs ago and my dad has had various medical issues and is now housebound with possible vascular dementia.
I have a family and work partime and my dad has 2 carers a day that give him his medication and other things to help.
Unfortunately my dad has no enthusiasm for life he won't ring anyone go to any groups or socialise in anyway but hates being on his own. He's currently on antidepressants but is down most days.
I do his shopping do his washing I clean his house and try and take him out when I can.
He asks me every day what are we doing today and when I explain I cant come in due to wrk he starts getting funny with me then starts his manipulative behaviour in the hope I will drop everything for him.
I feel Immense sadness for him as hes a lost soul but won't help himself!!! I'm at the end of my tether.
I'm under the doctor myself with depression but I'm an only child so it all falls on my shoulders

[helena_1512]

Hello Mandy

I am a fellow only child so you have all of my sympathy. At the end of the day, you can only do your best and prompt so far with regard to your father. You could consider writing to his GP and mentioning that your father's depression is not good and maybe a change in medication might help? That said, has he always been 'difficult'? If so, then sadly he probably wont change. You do sound exhausted. My other suggestion is maybe to see if there is a local Carers organisation in your area. I know you work but maybe a telephone befriender would help? They have usually been Carers themselves and it is a safe place to offload and they may be aware of local organisations that can offer help and support.

I had to disengage from my late father as he was quite literally driving me to a breakdown as I am also a carer for my much older very difficult husband now 83. It was hard and I felt dreadful but YOUR mental health has to come first. You cannot change your father's attitude but you can only work on your own reaction to him. If he is being unreasonable then just disengage rather than getting wound up by arguing or justifying? I know, so easy for me to write and so hard to put into practice. I am sure others will come along offering better advice but as a fellow only child, I wanted you to know you are not alone and I can relate totally to your post.

[Ingrid Carers UK]

Hello Mandy

Firstly I wanted to welcome you to our forum, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment, you've definitely come to the right place to connect with other carers who have similar feelings.

I also wanted to highlight some of the options for connecting with fellow carers and for getting support from Carers UK should you need it.

We are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you'd like to and there's no pressure to share anything you don't want to. I'm sure you'll find others in a similar position to yourself.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:

Care for a Cuppa:
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... ne-meetups
This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn:
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... e-sessions
These sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

There is also Carers UK's helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org)

They can help provide support and guidance on:
- Benefits and financial support
- Your rights as a carer in the workplace
- Carers' assessments and how to get support in your caring role
- Services available to carers and the people you care for
- How to complain effectively and challenge decisions.

take care
Ingrid