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caring for mum -Carers UK Forum

caring for mum

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi this all new to me and feeling a bit nervous about saying how I feel because of the guilt that goes alongside. I and my family have my elderly mothr living with us and have done for a long time. We are all feeling at our wits end as she will not accept any support from other agencies and therefore we have no respite. This is now affecting all our relationships and we are all feeling resentful and angry but also guilty as we really do love her but need a break.
Hi Shona,
Firstly, welcome to the forum.
Secondly, I know you will probably feel guilty anyway, but you're not doing anything wrong by wanting some time for yourself / yourselves. In fact feeling incredibly guilty is something that so many carers go through, so you're not alone. Luckily I've found that speaking to other carers about it helps me feel less guilty Image
It doesn't sound easy if your mother isn't accepting any help Image
It's natural to want a break. I hope you can work something out.
Hi Shona and welcome to the forum Image

From the little you've said I suspect you've reached the 'be cruel to be kind' time. So it's time to get in touch with SS and get both an assessment for your Mum and a Carer's Assessment for yourself - the 2nd is most important as it will highlight the areas where you need help.

Book some respite time, arrange for Care Assistants, sitters or people she knows to call in and cover and then go for it. It won't be easy and you will feel guilty, we all do. But it has to be done before your family relationships break down altogether.

You don't say what is wrong with your Mum but if it is anything other than dementia you need to sit her down and explain exactly why you are so in need of a break - my Mum has Alzheimer's and explaining anything to her is useless because she's forgotten before we've even finished talking Image

You can say what you like on here about your caring situation - no-one will ever judge you because we've all been there, done that and got the proberbial t-shirts so we all understand. What we will do is support you every inch of the way Image
Hi Shona and welcome Image

We all feel guilty and it's usually not something we should feel guilty about! Comes with the territory really.
hi shona wellcome i have felt guilty on more than one ocastion its normal as a care Image Image
Hi Shona,
Welcome to the forum, as Susie says , been there, done that , etc: you need
a break , that's all. don't be to hard on yourself.
Hi Shona and welcome,

I echo everything Susie has said.

This forum is the one place where people really do understand and you wont be judged. The more threads you read, the more you realise that lots of folk are experiencing similiar challenges, frustrations and feelings.