Caring for an alcoholic

[Sue_2105]

My husband is a 72 year old, very long term, alcoholic. He’s already got liver cirrhosis, he spent over 3 months in hospital this summer under the mental health team, because he was just not eating. He’s been discharged and handed back to me with no care package now, just a GP (no help, but what really can they do?) and a Do Not Attempt Resuscitation order.
He is very physically frail again, once again not eating, he does most of his personal care with prompting at the moment. There are multiple falls with scrapes and bruises which means family members helping to get him up again when I can’t manage this. I don’t like to call for the ambulance crew unless really needed as they have far more deserving cases out there.
It will get worse, as before, with incontinence next.
He still staggers to the nearby shop and gets his drink.
I was recently told that I am actually his career, I hadn’t thought about it like that before.
Outside care isn’t the answer just now as he is placid and happy to just sit or sleep, and drink.
So why am I unhappy? A lovely home, but lonely, no conversation, just waiting for him to finally kill himself……so sad.

[bowlingbun]

Sue, I agree, so sad.
Do NOT attempt to pick him up if he falls, call the ambulance.
You may not know that the ambulance service will alert the GP when they are called, and this may be the may to get extra help.

Are you doing anything to make life more bearable for yourself.
I hate the way Covid has affected my whole life, especially as I only have one kidney and have to be extra careful.
I went to a Sewcial on Monday, seven ladies and their machines sewing and chatting, in a large church hall, so all apart from each other.

I had lots of other things that needed doing, but I had to escape the house for a while!

[Suzanne_2101]

Hi Sue
I understand your situation, about 20 years ago I was called my partners carer while away on a disabled ski trip, I hadn't thought about it before but on looking back they were in fact right. My partner had been to Al Anon many years before and at the same time been suffering from PTSD well before that was properly identified. I have been with my partner 38 years since 1983, his PTSD was diagnosed in 1997 but he had attended Al Anon around 1987 but didn't agree that he was an alcoholic. He still drinks but he did start to cut down two years ago as a result of toes being amputated with diabetic issues. I only identified myself as a carer when I had to change dressings on his toes between hospital visits.
It is a lonely path but I have managed now to get some time out. We have both taken up bowling, I get one game every few weeks that is ladies only so I have a few hours out from caring. I have knitting and my family history research plus some photography. Little things that I can go back to for time out. I don't have family around to help but I do know that I can ask for help if I need to. I spent many years losing friends because his problems made him controlling. Please make sure you can call someone for help when you need it and speak to your doctor as the stress affects your health too. Take care of yourself xx

[Vivienne_2112]

My wife was addicted to alcohol and it was very hard. I didn`t know what to do. She even get court-ordered rehab.

People often asked me, how long is court-ordered rehab? This and other information you can find here https://addictionresource.com/drug-rehab/court-ordered/

Good luck!