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Caring and struggling - Carers UK Forum

Caring and struggling

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Hi. I'm new to the forum and have joined because I'm really struggling.

Short version of things - I'm not sure if I class as a carer but I feel like one. My dad has been on his own for years and has become increasingly angry at the world. I until last year had a day off every week to give him a day with the grandchildren but for various reasons I went back full time. Shortly after we moved him close by so we could see him more easily and so I could look after him as he's not in great health. Since then I've taken on sorting his bills, medical appointments etc. Unfortunately he has filled his house with frankly dirty junk (eg broken furniture covered in mouse droppings) so I can't let my kids round. I get him over at least twice a week to see us (NB I work full time, commute, have two kids, a long term disability and doing some training) and call him for 40 mins every day. I do this willingly but recently he's become very angry and made me feel so guilty about the time he's on his own. He won't go out to meet people, people won't go round because of the state of the house, and he refuses to wear his hearing aids. I have had severe depression because of all of this and after another argument I just feel I can't cope with it anymore. I willingly help him but if he keeps pushing I will break again and the kids are the ones that suffer

I suppose my reason for joining the forum is just to find a way to care for someone who is so angry and keeps focusing on the things I'm not doing rather than what I am. I hope this doesn't all sound selfish, I genuinely want to fix things and so just needed to explain how it feels. Would appreciate any thoughts. Thankyou
Hello Julie - sorry you haven't had a welcome before this but the Carers UK website and forum have just gone through a major reshuffle and change and is only now up and running again !

Have you enlisted the help of your Dad's GP and/or Social Services ? Sounds like he's suffering with depression - perhaps he's regretting the move away from his previous home where he knew people and was familiar with his surroundings ?

But don't feel that your are being selfish - you're NOT ! That and feeling guilty that we're not doing more are common complaints amongst carers.
:) hi Julie and welcome


Tilly
Hi Julie sending you ((((HUgs)))). welcome to the fourum.

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Hi Julie, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and despite that are doing a great job of looking after your Dad too. He sounds like a tricky customer. I think Susieq has offered you some good advice. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Melly1

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Hi Julie - hope you're ok.

I'm a little concerned though that because of the changes we may have lost you at a time when you really needed us.

Hopefully someone will contact you directly to make sure you're able to get into the new forum, as you joined after the blanket email went out?

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Hi and welcome, Julie. I hope you make it to the new forum ok.