Carer who is NOT POA

[Dancedintherain]

You KNEW nothing....but are learning fast!!! Which is great. Pleased you went to the paid experts staff here. I wish more people did!

I hope your mother gets to live where she wants to, that the Social Worker respects her right to choose where she lives and ascertains that she has the mental capacity to make that particular decision plus the decision on how to spend her money .....and that you are reimbursed.
Well done, thus far.

DR

[bowlingbun]

Joyce, I think nearly everyone on the forum has discovered it when there has been a crisis, so don't think that you are the only one. The forum has all sorts of people with a huge variety of backgrounds, and between us all there's a huge amount of information, not just about caring, but about anything and everything. I once asked about Skype when my brother was diagnosed with cancer in Uruguay. I had all the information I needed to know in five minutes or less. Away from caring I'm a mad crazy woman who used to have a road racing motor bike, owns a 1921 steam roller, a 1909 traction engine, whose major hobby is needlework!!! Lots of us find that our friends and relatives just don't understand what it is like to be a carer, responsible for the life of another. I have a son with severe learning difficulties and helped care for all four parents, sadly all passed away now. If you look at the Forum Index you will see it mentions Roll Call. Here you will find messages between various forum members who want to share something, a bit like a natter over a virtual garden hedge. It doesn't matter if you don't know any of us, we didn't either when we started.

[Pet66]

Hello Joyce. Welcome!
You state you know nothing. Well you do, you knew to look for somewhere for advice and found carers uk.
My husband is in a nursing home. Had strokes and has vascular dementia. Without the forum I wouldn't have coped I'm certain. Have a very supportive family, but have lives to get on with. I've learnt alot. We are a friendly lot and you can vent etc without being judged. You can also private message if you feel the need.
Keep in touch

[Julia_150912345]

Hi there
Speaking as someone who regrets not doing a POA and having a family who have used me like a doormat - I mean just cos I cleaned up for my mum seems to suggest they can wipe their boots on me. Anyway get your POA through the Office of the Public Guardian. Speak to them on the phone they are used to these situations and can guide you.
I know it's out of your comfort zone and less stressful to do nothing. That's the character of someone giving, selfless and caring - the person your mother would want as her POA.

[jenny lucas]

Dear Joyce

Your most recent post is far more reassuring! I'm so glad you went to the experts at Carers UK, and they gave you sound advice.

When will you be seeing or contacting the social worker for your mum's affairs? Make it today!

It's always horrible when there is a family falling out, when all you want is to be able to get on with looking after your mum. But sometimes, alas, we DO have to 'stand up for ourselves' and do difficult things for the right reason.

So many of us join the forum with a sudden problem arising (I did - I suddenly 'inherited' the care of my 89 y.o MIL who had been totally independent up until the morning she phoned me to say 'I can't cope!'....and I became her 'instant carer' - it was a huge shock, and I really needed the good folk on this forum to help me work out what I should do, and what was best in a difficult situation which could not, alas, be 'happy', only 'less worse').

I certainly knew absolutely nothing about things like PoA or Carers Allowance or Attendence Allowance or any such things - but I do now! I also discovered here, which might be useful for you too, that if someone in the household has dementia, there should be a reduction in council tax! But you have to tell the Council Tax people - they won't know if you don't tell them!

I do wish you all the best, and hope that at least one of the following now happens:

- Your mum is judged fit enough to make her own decisions about money and takes control back of her pension and anything else she owns

- That she gets control back, but decides she wants YOU to look after her affairs, or assigns her whole pension to you to spend on her care (including your 'wages' so to speak!)

- At the very least, that your family is made to understand that your mum's money is HER money, and that YOU must not be out of pocket for looking after her!

Do keep in touch with us, and let us know how things are going. Although we can't 'fight the battle for you' we CAN keep you fully loaded with the ammunition you need! Which is - information!

As Bowling Bun says on her tagline - Information is Power. It's very true! once you know your rights, you know how to make sure that fairness reigns.

All the very best to you in this. Kind regards, Jenny

[jenny lucas]

Julia, you are, indeed, a sad warning of how greed can make families behave appallingly! I do hope it is 'some comfort' to you that others can learn from your good-heartedness that was taken advantage of by selfish relatives....so at least it doesn't happen to others.

[Scally]

Thanks for the replies, its not my employers who are not paying me, I made a verbal agreement with family that if I cut my hours at work, they would make my wage up from Mums pension. Thanks for the advice, but seems theres nothing I can do about anything as the family are POA, but thanks anyway x

NO, Joyce, you clearly don't understand: that makes you the employee of the family members with POA. As an employee of over a year you have real, actionable, legal rights - seriously, check this with a solicitor. I've won two employment tribunals in the last ten years, I do know what I am talking about here.

Now, I don't want to belittle our advice staff, they are excellent, but they probably know next to nothing about employment law, because that isn't their specialist field. So please consult a solicitor, ideally one with expertise in employment law.

[bowlingbun]

Scally is absolutely right. Whether or not you have entered into a formal contract of employment does not matter a bit. If they were paying you regularly to care for mum, and you can prove that from bank statements or similar, you are employed. In fact your relatives might even get into hot water just for not paying your National Insurance stamp, tax, etc. if applicable.
If you went to an Employment Tribunal, the tribunal would in effect write the contract on the spot. It's a long time since I studied Employment Law and can't remember the formal term, but that will give you the rough idea. ACAS are the experts on employment law, they have an excellent helpline (as a result I once got top marks for an assignment for my degree!). So give them a ring and talk things through with them.
Before you ring them, make sure you know exactly when you started, that is absolutely critical, as Scally has pointed out.

[Scally]

Joyce, I don't think you have read through my earlier post properly and understood it. Please look at it again. An attorney has a duty to spend mum's money on her (and her care). They are clearly not doing this and are therefore in breach of the terms under which they are required to act. Please, if you don't understand any of this, ring the Carers Uk helpline (or email them if they are busy) and also ring the Court of Protection (COP). Attorneys cannot do whatever they like just because mum wrote a POA in their favour. That only gives them rights to do certain things in certain ways. In this case, they are acting UNLAWFULLY. You can and should do something.

Bowling Bun: I disagree: the POA holding relatives do not have to spend money on her care, because that is not a legal requirement of the job. What they do have to do is to ensure that care is provided, which they are doing: in fact you could argue that they are protecting Mums estate by NOT paying the going rate for the care provided, by in effect getting it for free.

[bowlingbun]

Scally, I think the more formal phrase is "in mum's best interests"? I'm sure the precise wording is available via Google, but I believe having a loving relative as carer is nicer, and the attorneys are being tight fisted, to put it bluntly.