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Carers UK Forum • Carer for mum and brother
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Carer for mum and brother

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:16 am
by Wannabehappy
Hi I am new to this so bare with me.
I care for my mum and brother, my mum has mental health problems and my brother has special needs. I work full time and some just to try and pay the bills ( my mum gets the benefits shes entitled to but got herself in a lot of debt). Doctor has now referred me to the community mental health team because of severe depression. On top i have my manager bullying me and calling me at 5am on my days off even when i was on sick leave.

Have been told by my support worker and doctor that living at home is making me ill. Also have social services on my back after my mums last suicide attempt telling me i need to take my brother out to do more but they don't seem to understand that i have no money to do anything with him. It has also been suggested that i should become my brother legal guardian and move out but i honestly don't know what to do

I don't sleep anymore, can't remember the last time that i actually slept. I cry everyday and just don't know what to do Image Image

Re: Carer for mum and brother

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:51 am
by sturdygirl
Good morning Courtney, welcome to the forum Image
Honestly? I'm a bit at a loss for words.
You are obviously a very caring daughter and sister, but there comes a time when you have to think about yourself.
It sounds like you are not getting the support needed and your manager needs to be reported-bullying is simply not acceptable.

May I ask a question? Please don't take this the wrong way, but why are you working to pay your Mum's debts? Debt can be a huge worry, but there are places available to help sort them out, perhaps doing this would help at least unload some of the burden?
Have you had a carers assessment?
I am sure that there will be other members along soon with more advice than I can offer
Virtual (((hugs)))
xx

Re: Carer for mum and brother

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:54 am
by bowlingbun
Hi Courtney, welcome to the forum. Sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment, but everyone is telling you what to do rather than offering to do anything for you! So unfair, but sadly not unusual. Do you know if mum and brother have had a "needs assessment" from Social Services? This would establish whether or not they were entitled to any support from the local authority. You should also have a "Carer's Assessment" from Social Services to look at how caring is affecting you, and how they could give you help. If you can't afford to take your brother out, because money is so tight, perhaps he's not getting all the benefits which he's entitled to? If you ring the Carers UK helpline, they will be able to do a benefits check for you (email if you can't get through by phone). Remember this is a special service run by our carers organisation, who genuinely care for you, you can share any concerns with them. It sounds as though you are effectively the head of the household, dealing with all the bills etc. Are mum and brother giving you enough money to do this properly? Is your brother capable of handling his own benefits? If not, someone else needs to become DWP "appointee" for him - it's very easy, should this be needed. Is it realistic for brother to live at home? My son has severe learning difficulties, he lives a few miles away, we see a lot of each other, but sharing his care was one of the best things I ever did, for both of us. Lastly, your boss's behaviour is totally out of order, turn your phone off at night! Have you ever heard of ACAS? Look them up on Google and give them a ring. They give free advice on employment law (I used them a long time ago). It might even be possible to claim that her behaviour is so bad that it is forcing you to leave, in which case you could claim compensation, but ACAS will know what to do. Hope that helps, I noticed you posted in the middle of the night when everything seems even worse, and here I am wide awake at 5am because I always wake up too early!

Re: Carer for mum and brother

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:30 am
by Juggler
Welcome to the forum Courtney.
As carers we're always giving. The more we give the more drained we get. We need to have time and space for recharging too. No matter how much we care about those we're caring for none of us can take the load all on our own.
Your work issues are now adding to an already difficult load and you've ended up in the middle of it all. You have rights as an employee. If you are in a union contact them as soon as you can.
You've got a lot on your plate and have come to the right place for support with your caring roles and others have already given good advice. Keep in touch with us and we'll give you as much virtual support as we can.
Juggler
x

Re: Carer for mum and brother

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:05 am
by india77
Hello courtney and welcome Image

Re: Carer for mum and brother

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:39 pm
by Myrtle
Hi Courtney and welcome.
As Sturdygirl says, you are not responsible for your Mum's debts, so please get in touch with debt management and get some help.
You also need not to be bullied by your manager and calling at 5am even when you are off sick is totally unacceptable, no wonder you are depressed!
But you're in the right place and we'll give you as much help and support as we can.

Re: Carer for mum and brother

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:44 pm
by Minnie
Image Courtney , and welcome to the forum.
Minnie Image

Re: Carer for mum and brother

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 11:19 pm
by Wannabehappy
Just a little update have go my mum seeing someone from the cab who i used to work with and have reduced my hours at work by dwp are being difficult (does it ever end)

Re: Carer for mum and brother

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 11:22 pm
by bowlingbun
Pleased to hear mum is seeing the CAB. The DWP always seem to make things more difficult than they ought to be for genuine people. So unfair.