I met my husband 15vyears ago..i knew he had kidney problems..but his transplanted kidney from family member was still working.
Fell head over heels quickly though didn't live together for 8 years.( I have a then 5 year old son from my previous marriage., he's now 19) .he dialysed in his flat.been through untold health emergencies.. infections..pbeumonia..you name it..
Gave him my kidney 8 years ago and, we married 5 years ago.
In the last two years the dialysis machine is now in our family home which is better for him, much better than travelling. ..more freedom etc.
My issue is our relationship..its so .. different.
I nurse at work, I nurse at home.he can no longer work but did for years and I accept he did his damndest.
He does nothing....nothing...he seems to think because he's I'll it gives him carte Blanche to be waited on.
I work, I walk our dogs 5 miles a day, after night shift. ( actually they're great for my sanity) ..i wash up, cool, clean, decorate, garden...you name it...
I know he's ill...i know all the logic..
But I am so.....exhausted...bored...tired of hearing his litany of complaints about his life...his permanent exhaustion..im 45..i have no sex life..it would be weird now anyway as he's more my patient than husband.
I don't have a young life..or freedom..or any life. I'm so drained..im terrified of looking back ehen he's gone and thinking I was a bitch for the last two years ( I'm not a bitch..!) But I'm also scared of getting to the point where I can no longer stand him...please just let me know I'm not the only carer with these conflicting emotions...?
Fell head over heels quickly though didn't live together for 8 years.( I have a then 5 year old son from my previous marriage., he's now 19) .he dialysed in his flat.been through untold health emergencies.. infections..pbeumonia..you name it..
Gave him my kidney 8 years ago and, we married 5 years ago.
In the last two years the dialysis machine is now in our family home which is better for him, much better than travelling. ..more freedom etc.
My issue is our relationship..its so .. different.
I nurse at work, I nurse at home.he can no longer work but did for years and I accept he did his damndest.
He does nothing....nothing...he seems to think because he's I'll it gives him carte Blanche to be waited on.
I work, I walk our dogs 5 miles a day, after night shift. ( actually they're great for my sanity) ..i wash up, cool, clean, decorate, garden...you name it...
I know he's ill...i know all the logic..
But I am so.....exhausted...bored...tired of hearing his litany of complaints about his life...his permanent exhaustion..im 45..i have no sex life..it would be weird now anyway as he's more my patient than husband.
I don't have a young life..or freedom..or any life. I'm so drained..im terrified of looking back ehen he's gone and thinking I was a bitch for the last two years ( I'm not a bitch..!) But I'm also scared of getting to the point where I can no longer stand him...please just let me know I'm not the only carer with these conflicting emotions...?