Carer and father too close ?

[Michael_200312]

I was looking for some advice as I am concerned. my father has a carer who has been looking after him and previously my mum ( she passed away 2 years ago) .

He is very close to her which I understand, but I feel she encourages this with inappropriate behaviour. For example, she will sit very close, let him put his arm round her and stroke her back .
He has got so reliant and dependent on her , even said he would rather not come to a wedding unles she came and sat with him .

My children think it’s all a bit odd and I’ll be honest I don’t trust her . But others think I am just being paranoid and as long as he is happy I should let it be.

There must be professional guidelines for Carers?

Has anyone else had similar problems, I can’t be unique in this

[bowlingbun]

Is she self employed or from an agency?
I would be very worried, it's not professional.
Can you take a photo of dad when he is cuddled up?
If that is how they are when you are there, what is going on when you are not?!
How old is dad? Does he own his house?
Have significant savings?
Why does he need a carer?

[Woodpecker]

Hi, I do understand your concerns and if you do feel the carer's is acting in a way that you feel uncomfortable with maybe you could speak to her privately about your concerns. Has she always acted in the same manner?. My husband had vascular dementia and had always been a very tactile person. His carer always cuddled him, which I was fine with. He couldn't talk towards the end of his life and this was his way of communicating. He also cuddled and kissed me and he wanted to hold hands with everyone. I appreciate your father's situation might be different. Personally I was happy to have a part of my husband expressing his old self. Best wishes

[Michael_200312]

He is 85 , lives alone and needs a carer to wash and get dressed etc , he has his own house and has advanced diabetes’s, not got Bad dementia other than a bad short term memory ,
She is via an agency but some family members are trying to pursuade me to take her direct to save money

I have 2 real concerns I guess

1 he gives the house away in a new will

2. It makes it impossible to change Carers or have flexibility.

There must be professional guidelines for Carers ?

[bowlingbun]

Does he have the mental capacity to rewrite a will?

Keep a brief diary about dad, his carer, and his memory.
Who manages his money? Do you have Power of Attorney?
Check his bank statements?
Valuables in the house?

[Henrietta]

I work in the industry and have met many well meaning over friendly carers who simply do care and are the touchy feely type, however you are quite entitled to approach her manager and if you feel it has not been resolved to your satisfaction you can raise a "safeguarding concern" about the situation.