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care home? - Carers UK Forum

care home?

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I'm sorry if this isn't in the right section,but I didn't know which one to put it in.

For the past 3 months my husband and I have been full time carers for his severly disabled brother. Their parents passed away and we wanted his brother to stay with us. Nobody has guardianship with him. My husband only has the title of appointee given by the DWP and thats to deal with BIL disability payments.

Unfortantley its too much for us to do. Brother in law is 30 but has the mental age of 3. Hes aggressive, refuses to speak, and its hard for us to cope. Imagine a 3 year old having a temper tantrum, but inside a 30 year old mans body. And on top of all of it, we literally have to bathe him,cloth him,and do his hygeine for him. As he refuses to do it himself.

We have decided it would be best for him to go into a care home. And perhaps there,people who are trained to deal with disablities such as his,can help him. And honestly, maybe it will be better for him, as we don't know how to do help him. When my husbands and his parents passed away, we wanted him to stay with us and me be his full time carer because we thought it was the best thing to do at the time and really wanted to help him. But his brother just wants things done "his way" and we can't live our lives that way and gets upset and angry when its not done his way. Its stressful for the both of us.

We looked into care homes online, but they want almost £1000 a week. Which we can not afford. Is there any way social services can put him in a good carehome,(a place where he will be looked after properly and not just shoved into a room and ignored) or do all carehomes require us to pay for him to stay there?

Thanks for reading, and I really hope everyone will be understanding about this and I won't get put down or flamed.
Hi Sterling,
welcome to the forum. What a difficult situation you are in. I admire you for trying to look after your brother-in-law.
Call social services and explain your situation, stress that it's urgent. Let us know how you get on.
best wishes, Lesley x
Hi, Sterling, and welcome, hope you get it sorted, for your sake
Phoebe x
Hi sterling
I thought I would welcome you officially Image
I know that there are a few people on this board who have relatives with a learning disability who live in sheltered accommodation (or similar), but Im afraid I have no experience of it.
Hi Sterling,

It must be very hard taking on your BIL, he is grieving and only used to the way his parents cared for him and you have taken on a total life change.

You need to contact social services as a matter of urgency. They will assess your BIL needs. You need to say that you are not prepared to care for him at all, this will ensure he scores highly and gets the full cost of the care they think he needs (a personal budget.) As for good care homes - some are and some aren't. You need to gather as much info as possible - visit them, talk to professionals, other local carers, look at CQC reports and above all trust your instincts.

In the interim, does he attend any daytime services?

Others will be along with more info and some with personal experience of the process.