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Elaine Online
- Member

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- Posts: 1902
- Joined: Fri Oct 04, 2013 9:40 pm
- Location: Yorkshire
Mon Sep 09, 2019 10:04 pm
by
Elaine » Mon Sep 09, 2019 10:04 pm
Hi Trisha,
It’s such a hard time which I, along with many others here, have been through. I empathise.
One thing which I remember well was that I had been told, or read, that when someone actually dies then they stop breathing with their chest and their diaphragm/belly area takes over for a short time. I don’t know whether this is a universal thing or what, but my daughter and I were sat beside my Mum’s bed, talking quietly when we noticed this happening. We were able to focus on her completely and repeat how much we loved her, that we were there and holding her hands. She looked a bit surprised I thought (she had been unconscious with no expression) but passed peacefully soon after. They say that hearing is the last thing to ‘go’ so I hope Mum heard us. I was glad I knew what to watch for at the end.
Another thing that struck me was that although dying can be a drawn out process, actual death seems, in the end, a quick, easy step through the doorway and a welcome relief.
You know your Mum has not got long. Your task now is to smooth her dying journey, knowing that actual death is easy. Knowing that you have done this for her will help you afterwards. Mum needs to be warm, comfortable, pain free and with the people she loves supporting her. You need to be supported yourself to ensure this is provided for her and that you can cope with her needs and, just as importantly, yours.
Until this end stage, enjoy every moment with Mum. Listen to her, remind her of early days, your childhood, Christmases and holidays, laugh when you can, cry when you must.
Hold her hand.
KR