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Care for my mum - Carers UK Forum

Care for my mum

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Hi my name is trish i care for my mum has kidney failure i have alot questions so i hope i am in right place
Yes, you are ask away!!
sunnydisposition wrote:
Mon Sep 09, 2019 3:11 pm
Yes, you are ask away!!
Well i have been told that she has only 6 months to live now but i see her getting worse n worse each day i think i am more frightened than my mum is tbh im sorry it taken me so long get back to you as busy busy busy caring for mum its like i could tell her something one day and the very next day she will forget all together she is also sleeping more than normal to i have been reading up on it all and i read that at the end of their life this is what does happen due to there illnesses i already buried 3 babies of mine all diffrent times of year mind ive never went through anything like this before with a adult just babies i put to rest but i will be here with her no matter how hard or down i feel sometimes im with my mum until end its my job though Xxxx
Are you getting any help.
Do you have help from district nurses

Has your doctor told you about continuing health care which is when the NHS can pay for supportive care for your mum whilst in her own home.

He should be able to point you in the right direction.

But hugs.

Joan x
Joan_1501 wrote:
Mon Sep 09, 2019 8:14 pm
Do you have help from district nurses

Has your doctor told you about continuing health care which is when the NHS can pay for supportive care for your mum whilst in her own home.

He should be able to point you in the right direction.

But hugs.

Joan x
Noone seems to be telling me anything at all TBH YOU are more helpful than docs n nurses x
Hi Trisha,
It’s such a hard time which I, along with many others here, have been through. I empathise.
One thing which I remember well was that I had been told, or read, that when someone actually dies then they stop breathing with their chest and their diaphragm/belly area takes over for a short time. I don’t know whether this is a universal thing or what, but my daughter and I were sat beside my Mum’s bed, talking quietly when we noticed this happening. We were able to focus on her completely and repeat how much we loved her, that we were there and holding her hands. She looked a bit surprised I thought (she had been unconscious with no expression) but passed peacefully soon after. They say that hearing is the last thing to ‘go’ so I hope Mum heard us. I was glad I knew what to watch for at the end.
Another thing that struck me was that although dying can be a drawn out process, actual death seems, in the end, a quick, easy step through the doorway and a welcome relief.
You know your Mum has not got long. Your task now is to smooth her dying journey, knowing that actual death is easy. Knowing that you have done this for her will help you afterwards. Mum needs to be warm, comfortable, pain free and with the people she loves supporting her. You need to be supported yourself to ensure this is provided for her and that you can cope with her needs and, just as importantly, yours.
Until this end stage, enjoy every moment with Mum. Listen to her, remind her of early days, your childhood, Christmases and holidays, laugh when you can, cry when you must.
Hold her hand.
KR
Hi Trisha,
Welcome to the forum.

Is your Mum under the care of a hospice? They don't just support the patient but the family as well. If she isn't then ask the GP or any visiting nurses that she she is referred to one ASAP. You can carry on caring for her, but they will support you.

Melly1
Elaine wrote:
Mon Sep 09, 2019 10:04 pm
Hi Trisha,
It’s such a hard time which I, along with many others here, have been through. I empathise.
One thing which I remember well was that I had been told, or read, that when someone actually dies then they stop breathing with their chest and their diaphragm/belly area takes over for a short time. I don’t know whether this is a universal thing or what, but my daughter and I were sat beside my Mum’s bed, talking quietly when we noticed this happening. We were able to focus on her completely and repeat how much we loved her, that we were there and holding her hands. She looked a bit surprised I thought (she had been unconscious with no expression) but passed peacefully soon after. They say that hearing is the last thing to ‘go’ so I hope Mum heard us. I was glad I knew what to watch for at the end.
Another thing that struck me was that although dying can be a drawn out process, actual death seems, in the end, a quick, easy step through the doorway and a welcome relief.
You know your Mum has not got long. Your task now is to smooth her dying journey, knowing that actual death is easy. Knowing that you have done this for her will help you afterwards. Mum needs to be warm, comfortable, pain free and with the people she loves supporting her. You need to be supported yourself to ensure this is provided for her and that you can cope with her needs and, just as importantly, yours.
Until this end stage, enjoy every moment with Mum. Listen to her, remind her of early days, your childhood, Christmases and holidays, laugh when you can, cry when you must.
Hold her hand.
KR
My mum is bed bound all day every day we have hoist and a hosptail bed for her here she cant get out of bed very much at all now she wants to just sleep awe time and she is get more and more confused now i know this is the process of wjat happens at end of life but she has fought this to long now she cant fight any more CAN SHE she is tired and sore when the careers do her tuc they call the last visit of day my mum usually goes bk sleeo and i try rest myself xx