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care for elderly parents. - Carers UK Forum

care for elderly parents.

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My parents are very elderly, 88 and 95. They were due to move 100 miles to be near me last year and we were helping them buy a a bungalow. Social services wanted Mum to go to respite for a rest but Dad wouldn't let her. Mum then had a fall,broke her arm, was in hospital many weeks and was then diagnosed with heart failure.I then got both of them into Abbeyfields sheltered housing where meals are provided. they pay for a cleaner and I do their washing. Dad has carers twice a day to sort out his catheter and Mum has carers twice a week to help her shower. My Mum is still poorly, her heart failure is quite severe and not stable,she has fallen again but without injury, and is thought to have sustained a slight stroke. She has been seen in a falls clinic and is going for futher tests. My father has memory problems and is seeing a mental health nurse from the surgery. He very much wants to go to the bungalow and keeps saying how unhappy he is. The GP has advised them not to go and thinks that they really need residential care in a home. However they insist on going. The bungalow has to be assessed by social services and will need alterations before any care can be put in. They are on the waiting list for the bungalow to be seen. However they think they have put their notice in to go in the middle of April. I have explained the situation to Abbeyfield and have not handed in the notice. I have responsibilty for their finances and have power of attorney. The bungalow is very near us but I am not happy about my them moving in their condition. The mental nurse has been supportive of my them going for a trial period but I don't think she realized how poorly my mother is. Has anyone any suggestions as I am very worried about them. I wished I had stopped the sale of the bungalow following my Mum's fall.
Welcome to the forum mumofone Image

Like Audrey says I think your post is better in New members so I will attempt to move it
Welcome to the forum. Image
Welcome, you will recieve a lot of support and understanding here xx
Just wanted to say hello, and Image
Hi there Mumofone and a warm welcome to the forum. I'm sure that you will get others coming along to welcome you to the forum now that Nilla has placed your post in the new members section. I can understand how difficult it is at the moment with Dad wanting to move into the bungelow. Sometimes it is difficult for carees (or perhaps any elderly person) to appreciate their limitations - that is probably the case for most of us at times actually! At the same time to actually move them could cause an enormous strain on everyone too which may be perhaps to much for your Mum and her failing health to come with. Difficult one!

Sorry I don't have any answers for you but just wanted to welcome you here too.

Bell x
Hi and welcome.I would let the trial period go ahead,sometimes a return to independence can make a huge difference.If it doesn`t work out,the option of residential care will still be available,and your parents will not feel they were forced into care.If they cannot cope in a bungalow together,then they may see the necessity for a residential care home themselves.Good luck. Image
Hello and welcome Image
Thanks to everyone for the welcome.
Hello Image

An interesting situation. But a hard scenario to advise on. No right or wrong thing here, to be frank. I do understand your concerns. Your parents are very elderly and many would say too old for a move. But others would say its never too late. And although you may well have a view, perhaps its up to them at the end of the day.

I know Abbeyfield can suit many people, although your parents may be becoming too frail for that type of provision now, so some kind of change may be inevitable. And as Michael says, if the bungalow does not work out then other options are still available. My gut feeling is that maybe you need to see how things pan out. I don't think you have 'grounds' exactly for putting a halt to plans, but I do understand your concerns and things may not work out. And that will be more worry for you.

But no easy answer here. Maybe you just have to run with things and be prepared to help and support as and when. Not a lot more you can do really. I think thats what a lot of us do...

Hope it goes well,

Robert