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Carers UK Forum • Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help
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Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help

Posted: Fri May 13, 2022 2:19 pm
by Pass _2205
Me and my Gf /Ex of 13 years knowing her on and off relationship. been going through a lot past few years . She was involved in multiple car crash and wrecks that result in total loss. Since then, She been acting real Strange with delusion and paranoia , and distortion of thoughts. First time I saw her mental breakdown, she broke all my items inside I don’t know why, she went and be homeless have the year even when I ask her to take the place she refuses.

She got back on her feet with a job got her place , then Covid happen, she went into panic left the job because she claim people came to the job were being sent after her . She did started driving Uber etc . Because couldn’t make ends meet she ask me to move back in with her the minutes I was going to because I delay , a day she went to another state to be with her cousin and that didn’t work out she then went to tell me she coming back to me . Wasn’t my term I told her we need to see the doctor and therapy. She always refuses but I always give her her ways .

Always on overload even when I try to help financially especially she at times get irate and anger and in rage.
One night she came home drunk , irate saying some nasty things to me , I’m not real I’m fake this whole place is not real , this is trap , I’ve been here before etc .. I need to level up etc .. she become angry and mad and furious punching me while I try hood her to come down she wanted to get behind the wheel and go drive and I try to stop her. When she came down I explain to her and she said I was lying and making this up.

Fast forward 2 days later she didn’t come home , I got a call she want being held at the hospital she got into a big scuffle with the officers and they had to give her a sedative and held her in for weeks

While in the process she was diagnose with PTSD and when she got out she literally said I set the whole thing up and I beat her up and drop at the hospital because last she remember she was home and saw someone drag her out the car to beat her up. Never saw her that day .

This has broke me down sad and I explain things to her she said it’s all
Made up even the police report .

I stick around as much as possible tryna help every day it was physically and verbal abuse she lost trust in me and we just started become more distance and distance . At time we had good days where we laugh talk etc .. she eventual said she didn’t feel safe , around me and I try so much to get her to believe that I was being genuine honest with her and what happen to her , I didn’t had anything to do with it .

She left , say she wasn’t available emotional for a relationship even when I told her it’s cool I only concern about you well being
She refusing therapy and never took the medicine they give her.

I couldn’t it force her to stay I just let her go
I didn’t want to enable her , but I don’t know if I should continue to check up on her
Because she did told me forget her existence

she has no family she talk to she always running away from facing her problems , all her closes friend don’t talk anymore because she had said some hurtful things to them and denies she said those things and they were making things up in her . She keep asking me to borrow money I told her no but days letter I decided to send her money on her account she was furious passive aggressive . Then

Text me days letter to say sorry she let her anger get best for her .

She pushes everyone away I was one still around she ended running away I stick to it all yet gain nothing after all but stressor . My own mental health . As been effected trying to refocus on ..

I don’t know if I should text her to make sure she good or just keep going and don’t reach out unless she reaches out .

She also talk suicide at times say she serve light and dark and said they use her blood to heal people they still from her , she’s trying to wear a mask. I want to talk to someone about all this I know it’s a lot sorry. I need all advice

Again sorry for lost post I’m about to start therapy soon

Re: Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help

Posted: Fri May 13, 2022 3:41 pm
by Breezey
Gosh the poor girl, she's been through extreme trauma and wow you have been greatly supportive of her.
I do not have any knowledge or experience to help you with.
Hang in there for your therapy, I hope that will help and clarify things for you.

One thing I was told when I was on a day course through work with the Samaritans on spotting and intervening with a suicidal person is that you are not and can not be responsible for the actions of another person. You do all that you can to help them and then they do what they want anyway, this is not a reflection on you.

She's obviously not being seen as a danger to herself or others because she hasn't been sectioned although she is clearly vulnerable.

You are not a blood relative, you are her ex, you are a good person in caring about her and wanting to help her, but for my thoughts you cannot do this for life, it is unsustainable for your wellbeing, but this is between you and your therapists in your private discussions. You are not beholden to her, you don't owe her, she is someone you know and want to help when she is in need, that is admirable, but she needs proper professional help if only she would take it but she won't and you can't make her, that is her own choice, rational or irrational, you do not have any lawful control over it.

Yes it hurts to see her going through this and it is worrying, but you are not her keeper, she knows where you are and how to contact you, I wouldn't advise checking on her if she said to leave her alone, all that again is a discussion to have with your therapist.

Your own wellbeing is what matters, your own mental and physical health, getting your balance back which I hope will happen with your therapy.

Be kind to yourself, be your own best friend and take care of your wellbeing in the interim of your forthcoming therapy.

I am not a professional, but I hope I have helped in some way.

Re: Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help

Posted: Fri May 13, 2022 10:05 pm
by Pass _2205
Wow, I didn’t thought I would have gotten a reply since I wrote so much. Thank you for taking the time to read my rent, and give me some thoughtful thoughts .


Yea I am trying to not be weak in this , and last we spoke was on the 28th of April send her a 1k$ she was passive aggressive then she become aggressive saying things that wasn’t truthful to me and things I didn’t do
I just told her ay I did this for you not no relationship . I say have a nice day

The next day I heard back from her saying how she appreciate the money and she sorry and she let her anger get to her . Have a good day I never replied
She emphasize the answer I just never say anything back and we just stop talk

What hurt me the most was just the false accusation .. and me bare witness to her behaviors, how she pushes her friends everyone away . And she blame them and not remember she did any of this .

I’m just gonna keep working on me
Thanks for the advice .

Breezey wrote: Gosh the poor girl, she's been through extreme trauma and wow you have been greatly supportive of her.
I do not have any knowledge or experience to help you with.
Hang in there for your therapy, I hope that will help and clarify things for you.

One thing I was told when I was on a day course through work with the Samaritans on spotting and intervening with a suicidal person is that you are not and can not be responsible for the actions of another person. You do all that you can to help them and then they do what they want anyway, this is not a reflection on you.

She's obviously not being seen as a danger to herself or others because she hasn't been sectioned although she is clearly vulnerable.

You are not a blood relative, you are her ex, you are a good person in caring about her and wanting to help her, but for my thoughts you cannot do this for life, it is unsustainable for your wellbeing, but this is between you and your therapists in your private discussions. You are not beholden to her, you don't owe her, she is someone you know and want to help when she is in need, that is admirable, but she needs proper professional help if only she would take it but she won't and you can't make her, that is her own choice, rational or irrational, you do not have any lawful control over it.

Yes it hurts to see her going through this and it is worrying, but you are not her keeper, she knows where you are and how to contact you, I wouldn't advise checking on her if she said to leave her alone, all that again is a discussion to have with your therapist.

Your own wellbeing is what matters, your own mental and physical health, getting your balance back which I hope will happen with your therapy.

Be kind to yourself, be your own best friend and take care of your wellbeing in the interim of your forthcoming therapy.

I am not a professional, but I hope I have helped in some way.

Re: Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help

Posted: Fri May 13, 2022 11:10 pm
by Breezey
Hey no worries.
Sometimes you need to offload.

Re: Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help

Posted: Fri May 13, 2022 11:47 pm
by Breezey
Pass _2205 wrote:
Fri May 13, 2022 10:05 pm
Wow, I didn’t thought I would have gotten a reply since I wrote so much. Thank you for taking the time to read my rent, and give me some thoughtful thoughts .
[/quote]

There's no limit on the length of post.
No worries, glad you have some new perspectives.

Hey no worries.
Sometimes you need to offload.
Sometimes you need to rationalise things and get back to basics.
The basics being your own wellbeing.
You are allowed to care for you and be your own priority.

Yes, work on yourself, you are the one who matters here.
You have a lot to process in your therapy sessions, there is plenty I could say but I won't because your ex is vulnerable and I am not professionally trained.
Be careful about sending her money if you absolutely must do it in the interim of your therapy sessions only give a modest double figure amount and discuss this in your first session. You are not family or caregiver, you are an ex in a complex situation of emotions, vulnerability, feelings of responsibility, personality, beliefs and so much more.

Re: Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help

Posted: Mon May 16, 2022 1:04 pm
by Pass _2205
Thanks . Been a bit hard , after knowing someone 13 years on and off just go complete stop talking

Knowing this said person , have some other things going on they are suppressing , they push everyone away . Can’t help wonder are they okay when they are out there.

Re: Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help

Posted: Mon May 16, 2022 11:12 pm
by Breezey
Pass _2205 wrote:
Mon May 16, 2022 1:04 pm
Thanks . Been a bit hard , after knowing someone 13 years on and off just go complete stop talking

Knowing this said person , have some other things going on they are suppressing , they push everyone away . Can’t help wonder are they okay when they are out there.
It will be hard, hard to see, hard to not help, hard not checking.
All natural feelings and thoughts after so long on and off.

You can't know what you don't know and it's best not to be thinking the worst, although that is easier said than done given the circumstances.
Your therapist will be the best person to rationalise it all with, I hope that is soon for you.
But remember to take care of yourself first.

Re: Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help

Posted: Tue May 17, 2022 1:41 pm
by Pass _2205
Breezey wrote:
Mon May 16, 2022 11:12 pm
Pass _2205 wrote:
Mon May 16, 2022 1:04 pm
Thanks . Been a bit hard , after knowing someone 13 years on and off just go complete stop talking

Knowing this said person , have some other things going on they are suppressing , they push everyone away . Can’t help wonder are they okay when they are out there.
It will be hard, hard to see, hard to not help, hard not checking.
All natural feelings and thoughts after so long on and off.

You can't know what you don't know and it's best not to be thinking the worst, although that is easier said than done given the circumstances.
Your therapist will be the best person to rationalise it all with, I hope that is soon for you.
But remember to take care of yourself first.

You absolutely right ..
Thanks for understanding. Doing the best work on myself to not let my self go . Definitely have a session with my therapist to day .

Re: Breakup with PTSD /delusions Grandeur EX need help

Posted: Tue May 17, 2022 2:26 pm
by Breezey
Pass _2205 wrote:
Tue May 17, 2022 1:41 pm
Breezey wrote:
Mon May 16, 2022 11:12 pm
Pass _2205 wrote:
Mon May 16, 2022 1:04 pm
Thanks . Been a bit hard , after knowing someone 13 years on and off just go complete stop talking

Knowing this said person , have some other things going on they are suppressing , they push everyone away . Can’t help wonder are they okay when they are out there.
It will be hard, hard to see, hard to not help, hard not checking.
All natural feelings and thoughts after so long on and off.

You can't know what you don't know and it's best not to be thinking the worst, although that is easier said than done given the circumstances.
Your therapist will be the best person to rationalise it all with, I hope that is soon for you.
But remember to take care of yourself first.

You absolutely right ..
Thanks for understanding. Doing the best work on myself to not let my self go . Definitely have a session with my therapist to day .
hey no worries, glad you are doing ok, you seem to be less 'flat'.
I hope all goes well in your session today.
Be your own best friend, take good care of your physical and mental wellbeing because you deserve it.
Happiness is a state of mind, choose to be happy because you deserve to be.
Check your boundaries are good and revisit them if not, this is something to discuss in therapy.
Keep on with your best work on yourself.
I'm not a therapist, I've not had any therapy.