Been a carer for so long, forgotten who I am.

[Guest]

Hi everyone. Like the title says I've been a carer for about 6 years now (first my Dad, now my Mum). I've tried to have relationships, but I seem to have reached a point where I pretty much accept that I'll be alone from now on (I'm 41). I'm not complaining really, I just wondered if anyone had found a way to deal with the empty feeling I seem to have developed.

[Myrtle]

Hi Marsandback and welcome
We might not be quite as good as friends in the flesh, but here you won't be alone

[Robert]

Hello and a very warm welcome from me too

I'm sorry to learn of your sadness. Its of little help but I can tell you that what you seem to be experiencing often comes with the role. We can feel isolated and exhausted caring for those we love. And our 'inner flame' can sometime feel like its been extinguished. Its hard to expend the energy to meet someoone special in these circumstances, and all too often other folk dont really understand the kind of lives we carers lead. Feeling empty inside, maybe giving up on our own futures is quite common I think. It's good to express these things I guess and begin to understand where feelings stem from. Understanding is the first step to mastery......... or so I was once told !

No easy solution for you. It is indeed tough leading anything resembling an ordinary life, being a carer. But our inner needs and emotions dont sleep for long. In some ways, our inner selves need nourishing all the more. Its tough right now, I can hear that. But things may change one day for you. I do hope so.

All good wishes,

Robert

[bowlingbun]

You're not alone in this feeling. I used to be a tall, slim, fun loving girl who rode a road racing motorbike. 33 years of caring later has left me seriously overweight and I'm horribly unfit due to mobility problems after a car accident. Think very carefully about balancing your caring role with having a life of your own. I wish I'd considered my own needs more.

[Guest]

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I was feeling a bit sorry for myself when I wrote the post. It just seems that my life has been reduced to almost nothing and it's become more and more difficult to perform the tasks I need to (even getting out of bed is a chore). I read your replies and I have nothing but admiration for you guys.

[no1mum]

Hiya and a warm welcome to the forum.

[Lucy Carers UK]

Hi MarsAndBack,

Not sure if you've seen this, but there's some info and advice on our website about Looking after You http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice ... -after-you

There was also a post on our Facebook page recently about how many carers find that having an activity outside of their caring role is important to them, giving them a sense of identity and boosting their confidence. There were a lots of suggestions on there. If you're interested, you can view the post here]http://www.facebook.com/carersuk/posts/ ... 4957564004[/url]

Best wishes,
Lucy

[michael parker]

Hi and welcome to the Forum.Hope you find it useful and fun.

[Anne001]

Hi Marsandback, Just wanted to say hello and welcome to the Forum. Lots of people here will understand how you are feeling.

On a personal note, I too care for my mum and have no energy / time left for relationships. In fact very difficult to have any form of life outside caring. Yes, you have guessed it - I too am feeling sorry for myself .

No easy answers but plenty of listening ears here ... Looking forward to your posts,
Anne