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Becoming Human ! - Carers UK Forum

Becoming Human !

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi to everyone,LOL!
Well if you have time you can read my story ,should put it on Kindle but have to offer it free !
My name is Steve ,I have been a Chef since 16 and worked in many countries as well as the UK ,I,m a Dinosaur of a Chef ,lived the ultimate life but still had massive ups and downs ,even in Paradise ,more so there !
But I bought a house in beautiful Sweden ,that was my future ,then one night got hit by lightning and my computer had a massive arc ,scared the hell out of me yet next day worked but no internet or phone ,after a couple of weeks used myneighbours phone to call my family where I found out thet Mum had a massive stroke ,she had severe Dementia and died the same day in Hospital ! So I returned for the funeral and stayed with my Dad for a while then realized I cold not abandon him ,he was in his Eighties ,so sold my house in Sweden and we lived together ,we did our own things ,Dad when I was young was a good guy and worked hard ,Mum ruled ! So I became the new Mum and we have had great times together ,both independent of each other but always there ,best of mates ,amazing !
Then last year in December things went wrong and it took until June of this year to find out he has terminal bladder cancer though I have looked after him from October last year ,making no money for myself ,luckily he is solvent but I have had to give up my own life for him ,He,s my top mate ,Dad ,best friend..The help and support from the NHS ,Ambulance crews ,Hospital, ,A&E staff ,local Doctors ,Dispensarys,,100 % Heroes!
Bureaucrats though ,disgusting ,pathetic !
My Family ,2 Brothers and wifes have given me a lot of aggro ,they are Snobs ,but I have counter measured their critiscim and they now know that I can turn red mist against them !
I dispense medicines ,I will clean him in an urgent situation ,my bedroom door is always open ,sleep deprivation and on and on it goes as I am sure many of you are going through ,it drains you but it,s worth every moment ,I am literally at the Surgery everyday asking for this and that and Doctors reception as well ,they are all wonderful,stressed to the max but always wave when I come in ,take them boxes of chocolates and get on my knees to them because they get loads of abuse but always help me out ,they have done my Dad a major service !
Have careers come round 3 times a day ,they are amazing and are now concerned about me ,got a hug the other night ,that was pure humanity !
My Dad has now got little time left ,but I accept that ,maybe days or longer !
Looking after him I have found out a lot about myself ,never thought I could do this ,but for my Beloved Dad ,worth every second !
But what about those that have no Family support ,thank God for the professionall Careers !
Has anyone told you that dad should have Continuing Healthcare, especially as his days are numbered. Round the clock care in his final days if needed, either at home or in residential care? It is clear that you are the most caring of sons, but sleep deprivation is horrible.
If dad is nearing the end, then please Google "Signs of Dying". It helped me understand my mum's treatment so much better, and I was better able to support her in her final days.
Hi Steve and welcome,
In the main your post is positive and inspiring, Wonderful that you have had such a great relationship with your dad. Encouraging in that you appear to have organised access to available help. Bad that your family couldn’t find a way to contact you in the fortnight you were phone-less., when Mum suffered her stroke and now give you angst when it is you who are doing the caring for Dad. (How dare they!!)
It does help when the relationship with one’s caree is good. It does help when outside agencies ‘do their thing’ properly but even so Caring is hard.
What are you struggling with? How can we help? Are you frightened (might be too strong a word) because Dad’s condition is ‘terminal’?
Worried as to what to do ‘afterwards’?
Struggling with the feelings we all have, like resentment, guilt, loneliness, money and so many more.
What does your future look like? Will you return to being a chef, to Sweden?
Give yourself a huge pat on the back for what you have done and are doing for dad, but do not forget that you, your life, your health and your needs are important too.
Hi Stephen,

You are a wonderful son to your father and although very tiring, you will never regret or forget the time that you are spending 'right now' with your father. You are allowing him to go in peace knowing you are there for him to the very end.
My Dad died 6 weeks ago. He managed to get his end of life care paid for in a nursing home 5 minutes from me so I could pop back and forth and make sure someone was with him all the time. I did ask if I could bring him home from the hospital and look after him in my own home, but the staff said he still had a lot of needs and at the end of the day the nursing home had the special air bed, medications and extra support if he needed it. I stayed with him every night and was lucky enough to be there when he took his last breath.

I could write an essay about the care I have given over the last 3 years to my parents, and the care my 2 siblings have not..... but please know that although it is sad, exhausting, overwhelming, you are doing so well so be proud of yourself! I felt as if the tiredness and worry would never end but when my father died it all just stopped and although I now look after my mum with vascular dementia I have got a good chunk of my life back.