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Hi! - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.


Hi, I've been a carer for a few years now to my husband who has been receiving different treatments over this time for cancer.

Trying to be the strong one in our relationship can be hard emotionally for me. I've always seen myself as fairly strong, but no where near as strong as he. He's a very caring, loving person and would do any thing for any one. So for these last few years it's been my turn to look after him. Even after all this time, I still struggle occasionally to accept that he actually needs help.

Up until recently, he's been doing really well. Well enough for me to get a little part time job so that I could switch off a little bit. This helped, it felt good to have some thing else going on - to have people to talk to about some thing else and helped me re-charge. Recently, he's stopped responding to his latest treatment and he has to start another one. Thankfully there is another one. At the same time, he became susceptible to infection and got very run down. It's been a hard week remaining positive and trying to convince him that this wasn't the cancer fighting back. I've been so worried as he seemed to accept the worst - which made me absolutely petrified of what that meant. I wish I could switch my mind off - panicking me about what 'may' happen. In that respect, I'd rather not know. I prefer my optimistic and positive side!

Fortunately, it's been confirmed that he's caught a virus. Although not conclusive, from what we've learned, it seems I've passed it to him. I know these things can't always be prevented, but I feel terrible. It's made him very unwell and will take him weeks to get over it. So he's laid up in bed most of the time, very tired and although I'm with him all of the time, I miss him and feel quite lonely. I've decided that I'll have to find some thing else to distract me, other than my little part time job - it's the best job I've ever had, but at the same time, I always knew that this particular job could be a risk. I do have family and although I've tried talking with them, they're no help. They have their own lives and don't understand.

I've found this website helpful already, I'm registered with my GP as a carer, but didn't realise the types of support I could get - I may have been told, but I'm like a goldfish - in one gill and out of the other! I've read here that learning more about how to be a better carer can help - so I'm going to look into that. As a carer, I find some times it's difficult not knowing what to do and when.

In the mean time, I'm hoping that I can say hello to a few of you and help each other through the good and the not so good times.

Kay x
Hi Kay and welcome Image
Thanks Martyn & India77 - it's lovely to hear from you both. Image
hi and welcome
Hi Kay and welcome Image
join in anywhere....we don't bite Image Image Image
Thanks every one! That's really kind and welcoming of you all. Looking forward to being a part of it all xx
Hi Kay, have a look around and feel free to post anywhere you like. Most of us can be found on roll call in the members corner. Image
HI Kay, welcome from me too. Please don't beat yourself up so much. You are doing a difficult job to the best of your ability. You don't know for certain that you gave your OH the current complication, in fact I think it was very wrong of the doctor to say that to you at all. I found counselling very helpful, and wonder if everyone is concentrating on your OH just now, and somehow your own needs and feelings are being overlooked. Most areas seem to have carer's support workers now, but who provides the service depends on where you live. Just having someone to offload to really helps at times.
Hi Kay,
I'm new too and I just want to say you are not alone.
I also care for my husband and it can be so unbearably lonely sometimes, I find it hard to seperate myself from being the "wife" and the "carer" because sometimes the wide part of me doesn't particularly want to do something/agree with something but the carer part of me has to suck it up and just do it... I know that although that sounds completely bizarre, you will hopefully understand what I mean?

After reading through a lot of posts here it seems everyone is really helpful, I hope you find the same Image
Rachel xx
Thanks Crocus ... everyone already has been so welcoming. It's reassuring to know that there are others who understand - thanks bowlingbun x. I am my own worst enemy - regularly giving myself a hard time and if I'm not doing that, I'm usually worrying over something else!

I do get what you mean rachey_v - Ive never had to bite my lip so much in my whole life! As bowlingbun says, our needs are often overlooked.

Looking forward to keeping in touch with people who already understand so much xx