[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Carers UK Forum • Any Advice?
Page 1 of 1

Any Advice?

Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2018 4:29 pm
by Ree_1802
Hi All
I joined this forum the other evening and this is my first post.
I've looked after my mum with MS since I was 11 with my dad being the predominant carer.
My lovely dad is now incredibly ill in hospital & will not be coming home. So it's now just me and mum at home (I'm 31).
I have a carers assessment booked for 02/03/18 & wondered what people would think if I told them I can't be mums carer? Mum is currently paying huge amounts to have carers in between 09:00 - 14:00 whilst I'm at work whilst I do the rest & overnight etc.
I'm planning on telling the assessment that I can't do this & im not prepared to give up work. I'm also in the process of looking for my own little house & was hoping to find & move this year.
I feel really bad, I love my mum but this is straining our relationship a little bit. I'm so tired all the time (I have dyspraxia) & am currently getting up just after 4am to start work early so I can be here in the afternoons. I have a hobby that takes place Thursday afternoon. I go straight from work & my sister does the afternoon/tea shift for me.
I guess I'm just after some advice about the carers assessment. I've never had one before & it's being carried out by the local carers support group who then liaise with social services.
Sorry for the long first post! I'm glad I found people who will hopefully understand.
I miss my dad & really really need a sunny holiday alone somewhere!

Re: Any Advice?

Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2018 4:34 pm
by hamsterwheel
Oh, gosh - what a load to bear!

I'd suggest you don't wait for the carer's assessment. Get in touch with your mum's social services case worker and tell him/her that you won't be the carer. Tell them they need to do an urgent review of your mum's needs now you won't be acting. Ring there emergency hotline, then they can't ignore you.

The carer's assessment is too far in the future to wait. And, even if you did, they can't do anything about your mum.

Good luck!

Re: Any Advice?

Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2018 5:18 pm
by sunnydisposition
Don't worry what Social Services think of your plans. Its your life. However, waiting until March to tell them. Will further delay assessments for you parents. These assessments need to be done A.S.A.P. The fact you live at home - Social Services will not necessarily rush in to help.I have to be honest the fact you are still living at home. Does not help towards the future care assessment planning. It will be seen what if... Social services can't deal in what if just concrete facts.

I think until you know what your future plans are. You need to deal with ... what is happening now.

You need to keep in good health so you can coordinate and support. Not necessarily take on and do.

You need to say you are now at crisis point. Can you get a letter from you G.P. or and work.

Re: Any Advice?

Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2018 9:02 pm
by bowlingbun
This is going to be a terribly difficult year, but we can help. Have you ever been told about NHS Continuing Healthcare? Google it for more info. How old is mum? Does she owb her home? Has dad made a will? Given you Power of Attorney?

Re: Any Advice?

Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2018 9:20 am
by jenny lucas
Ree, this may sound a harsh thing to say, but it is true, nevertheless, and 'in your favour' if you see what I mean....but NOT ONE OF US has ANY legal 'Duty of Care' towards anyone else!

No one - not the council, the government etc - can MAKE us take on the care of a relative. We are entirely legally free to walk away totally.

Many councils don't like to face up to that, and there is often a 'well, it's the the family's responsibility!' attitude from them - but this is just NOT TRUE.

You may have to hold your ground on it though.

Remember, you do not have to 'give reasons' or 'justify' (eg, 'I can't look after my parents because I'm at work' etc etc). You don't have to explain or anything at all -o you just say 'I'm not going to be caring for them and that's that.' End of!

Councils may well lean on you, or try and make you feel guilty, etc etc, but this is not because they give a toss about your parents, it's just because it's cheaper for them to have family look after the elderly and infirm, not the council!

Re: Any Advice?

Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 7:24 pm
by Ree_1802
Thank you for the advice and taking the time to reply all of you. I will try to take it all on board
Thank you again