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Another Newbie - Carers UK Forum

Another Newbie

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello to all, not sure if I am entitled to call myself a carer, as I still work full-time. In comparison to many others on this site, I realise I have it easy. However, I do care for my 83 year old mother who in the last couple of years has had cancer, broken her hip resulting in restricted mobility, and has sight / hearing probs to boot! Juggling my job and her needs is something I struggle with. Most of the time I feel that I am not doing enough for her, not enough at work and not even enough for her cats. I simply need another 10 hrs in each day. All this is not helped by the fact that I am single, only daughter, no other relatives (helpful ones that is) and she is entirely dependent on me for paperwork, rounds of hospital visits, shopping, washing etc. My main concern is what would happen if I fell ill. She does have carers come in twice a day but they do the bare minimum and now that is threatened with cuts. Do not mean to sound so depressing as we have a great relationship but there are times when I want to kill her! Looking forward to "speaking" to other carers if only to stop me thinking that I am the only person feeling this way . . .
hello and a warm welcome!
Hello Anne, and welcome. I do sympathise with being the only one around to help your Mum, as I am in the same boat as you. I work part time, and we moved Mum in with us just befor Christmas and should start building a separate Annexe in our garden any day now for her. She is 82 and frequently difficult.

I can see further down the road that she will require more care from me...... I tend not to dwell on it.

Feel free to vent here - the folk around here are very understanding. Image

Hi Anne,

don't worry about your first post, I think everybody starts with one like that. But being here on the forum can help. For example, your first reply is from worriedjohn who isn't as worried as he was before and invisiblewoman can now be seen by many.

Hopefully you will get some help and support to make things a little better for you.

Welcome to the forum Image
Hi Anne and a warm welcome from me too. Most of us here have had the same concerns as you have at one time or another.

Hi Anne ... I've been a carer and a worker for some 20 years now, so I'm on your wavelength. I also run a music festival, just for fun, and what I say to all the lovely young musicians is just the same as what I will say to you: "You're amazing, but don't give up the day job quite yet!"
Hi and welcome.I'm in a very similar position and it took me a while to realise I am a 'Carer' which has a practical and emotional impact on you every day.

I work full time and look after my mum who is in her late 70's and has a lot of health problems, and also have a hubby and 2 teenagers who also need my time and attention.I do most of the day to day stuff for mum (although there are other family members, but this stuff doesn't seem on their radar! ) ie -shopping, finances, prescriptions, phone calls, appointments and practical jobs etc and it is so easy to lose yourself with all this and work demands, and you can feel you are on a never ending treadmill.

I ended up asking my brother 'very directly' to help more and this did seem to push him to do a little bit more-things just don't seem to occur to some people!!

No easy answers but I found joining this forum and the local Carers group all helped. I can't get to their drop-in very often because of work times, but thay have an outreach worker that you can contact, who will come out and see you, if needed.Work now know that I have additional responsibilities, and they do have some legal responsibilities re you as a Carer-re times off or flexible working arrangements.
I also try and get time out by catching up on favourite TV or walking and reading, and try and keep a bit of balance- not always easy though.

Best wishes -I think your feelings are very natural
Hello and welcome Image
Hi Anne Image

Welcome to the Forum Image

Looking forward to getting to know you Image

Hi Anne and welcome,

yes that sound all so familiar - I feel the same. I juggle working with looking after S who has autism, learning difficulties and health problems. I often feel like I'm doing neither justice. There aren't enough hours in my day either - but I'm exhausted as it is, so I'm also glad there aren't more than 24!