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Another New Person Checking In - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Another New Person Checking In

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Just went down to the post office to collect our discounted Oyster bus cards. They said would not issue one for me as my NI number was not on our 'joint' ESA claim.

Not really the woman in the post office fault but the ESA had assured me there would be no problem. So went down to the job centre who told me to call the ESA (from their phone at least) and check.

Spoke to a bloke at the ESA who told me that it is NOT a joint claim, only a claim for my wife. Told me I was not entitled to JSA even though I am currently working under 15 hours a week. Suggested I apply for working tax credits (wtf?) instead. Also had the cheek to tell me that £111pw was all we needed to cover living expenses.

I pointed out that I was phoning to apply for jobs, paying to travel to interviews and calling the ESA and other benefits people which is pretty much wiping out the £71pw we are getting. Also told him that all this time I am spending jumping through their hoops is taking away my ability to look for work and care for my wife. He pretty much said 'tough luck' at the end of the call

So....... A chap in the job centre (Robert who was a star) got on the phone to the ESA again, told them what had happened and put me on the phone. The second (much nicer) woman said 'of course it is a joint claim' and would send out a letter first class today.
Hi Badger, welcome to the forum. Have you tried to find out if there is a carers group for people with mental health problems in your area? Or a Carer's support worker? Sometimes, however much we want to cope, it all gets too much and we just need to let off steam. Do you manage to do anything on your own now, blokes stuff? Lots of us find dealing with the benefits/care system harder than providing the care itself. You are not alone!
Hi Badger, welcome to the forum. Have you tried to find out if there is a carers group for people with mental health problems in your area? Or a Carer's support worker? Sometimes, however much we want to cope, it all gets too much and we just need to let off steam. Do you manage to do anything on your own now, blokes stuff? Lots of us find dealing with the benefits/care system harder than providing the care itself. You are not alone!
Thanks bowlingbun.

There is a carers hub in Lambeth where we live http://carershub.org.uk/ which I hope to get down to speak to and ask for some general advice in the coming days. I have registered my details with them and will have a look around the website in more detail.

I do play some sports with friends plus cycling so am not totally wallowing. I guess that it blokes stuff Image but am trying not to spend time at the pub too much as I am finding that a bit of damaging escapism. When I am having a laugh in the pub it is hard to leave which is never a good thing.

It is hard though as I feel so mentally tired a lot of the time. I have found myself arranging to do things then pulling out as I just don't feel up to it, or my partners condition has worsened prevented me from going. I guess it is just hard to plan things when someone you care for is up and down.

I think what I really miss most is going to gigs, cinema and music festivals now. My partner and I met through our love of music festivals but her anxiety means most travel and large gatherings of people are out of the question. I could/can go alone but I worry about her at the time, plus feel bad that she is not with me enjoying what we always enjoyed together.
Hello Badgers,

I haven't got anything to practical to say, but just to tell you that I am also new to this forum and have been made to feel welcome straight away. I think one of the most difficult things about caring is that you do often feel that your life has been taken away from you but not by choice, and this is how the very normal feelings of resentment start to build up - even though the love you feel has not diminished. When I first joined here, I sat and read through lots and lots of threads and amongst them I found posts that mirrored exactly what I have felt at times, or what I have also had to cope with. And many posts from people who are dealing with lots and lots of those curved balls that life likes to throw at you. I hope if nothing else, this place will give you a platform to let off steam whenever you need to. We all know that feeling!
Hello Badgers,

I haven't got anything to practical to say, but just to tell you that I am also new to this forum and have been made to feel welcome straight away. I think one of the most difficult things about caring is that you do often feel that your life has been taken away from you but not by choice, and this is how the very normal feelings of resentment start to build up - even though the love you feel has not diminished. When I first joined here, I sat and read through lots and lots of threads and amongst them I found posts that mirrored exactly what I have felt at times, or what I have also had to cope with. And many posts from people who are dealing with lots and lots of those curved balls that life likes to throw at you. I hope if nothing else, this place will give you a platform to let off steam whenever you need to. We all know that feeling!
Cheers ladybird17 Image

The forum has some great information on it and am not really looking for anything practical. Just never saw myself as a carer, when things were getting tougher I (stupidly) would tell myself just to 'man up' and deal with it Image which was frankly stupid and damaging to both of us.

Great to vent though. I always find that writing something down gets it off my chest and makes it feel clearer in my mind.
Just thought I would say hello and welcome to a fellow Lambeth-ite!

"Manning up" is forbidden on this forum ( Image ). No seriously, this is the place to talk about whatever you need to speak about, regardless of what it is.

Whether male or female, we all need a space to say how we feel, I found that space here on this forum. Image
Just thought I would say hello and welcome to a fellow Lambeth-ite!

"Manning up" is forbidden on this forum ( Image ). No seriously, this is the place to talk about whatever you need to speak about, regardless of what it is.
Hiya fellow Lambeth-ite Image

"Manning up" is frankly stupid and something that I have inherited from my father Image
Whether male or female, we all need a space to say how we feel, I found that space here on this forum. Image
I think that is good advice. I need somewhere to talk and rant a bit, so far it has been cathartic posting and reading on here.
Welcome to this forum but sorry that you qualify to be here, Badgers.
Just thought I would say hello and welcome to a fellow Lambeth-ite!
Hi again ladybird Image

Bit of a tough 'Lambeth' day here today. Decided to go down to The Lambeth Mind Friday afternoon drop in service. We had emailed them and called several times this week with no reply. It is a real struggle for my wife to get out the house with her anxiety but made it down there (after some tears) about 2pm.

The (otherwise charming) chap on reception had no idea who Mind are and seemed to have no way of finding out. I looked up the website and showed (as below) that they are on the 4th floor. Eventually he just sent us up in the lift and we found a big 'Mind' logo with a number of small offices. All the offices had lights on but were empty with the doors locked so we went back down to reception.

The (charming) chap on reception apologised and said their was someone from Lambeth we could speak to. So we took a seat and waiting for a little over an hour. Finally she (also charming) emerged and told us she had no affiliation with Lambeth and had just booked the room for a meeting with a local client so could offer no help or advice.

So we just walked home again Image

From their website: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/mind_in_your_area/241
Lambeth Mind is run by mental health service users and survivors. Their services include a Friday afternoon drop in service and an online and paper directory of organisations, services and projects - local, London-wide and national - for people with experience of any kind of emotional distress or mental health issues, their families, partners and friends.
Hi Badgers

If you have no luck with Mind it might be worth trying Rethink http://www.rethink.org/ I've found them pretty helpful Image