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Another New Person Checking In - Carers UK Forum

Another New Person Checking In

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi all.

Firstly this is a GREAT forum. Have a lot to read but what I have read is really good and giving me some strength.

Bit of background....

My wife has always been a nervous lady but things came to a head a year ago and she has been diagnosed with Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD).

What I am finding is that her GAD is causing me more and more personal anxiety. I am a patient and chilled out chap generally, but I have found myself resenting her and feeling anger towards her. I love her to bits and (in sickness and health) I don't plan to abandon her. She has support from her GP, community mental health team and had some CBT until the NHS could not (afford to?) provide it any more.

Her moods swing from depression, anger, despair and at worst suicidal. I often find myself just waiting for 'the thing' that will trigger an episode and I walk on eggshells half the time.

After working for her employer (once a school caring for children with special needs but now a private academy) for 11 years they are still employing her but not paying her anything. I was earning enough to look after us both but over time (and without realising) I have found that caring for her has overtaken my ability to work. Or certainly hold down regular work to cover our cost of living. The ESA people have been lovely although we still have to face ATOS Image

Thanks for reading (if you got past the first sentence) and hope to speak to more of you. If there is a thread or topic running specifically discussing GAD it would be great to be pointed to it Image
Hi Badgers...Welcome to the forum!!!!

I am carer for my Hubby who has (COPD/EMPHYSEMA) horrible disease!!!
He gets depressed so i know what it's like to hear him say he does not want to live like this!!
But as you said (in sickness and in health) i will look after him for as long as it takes!!
I do hope all will work out for you!!

Take care Eve.....Keep Image x
Hi Badgers.
Welcome.Just read your note.Really feel for you.You are not alone - there are a lot of caring people here.
Best wishes,
Philco22 Image
Hi Badgers...Welcome to the forum!!!!

I am carer for my Hubby who has (COPD/EMPHYSEMA) horrible disease!!!
He gets depressed so i know what it's like to hear him say he does not want to live like this!!
But as you said (in sickness and in health) i will look after him for as long as it takes!!
I do hope all will work out for you!!

Take care Eve.....Keep Image x
Thanks Eve x

Just read a little about COPD/EMPHYSEMA and it must be very hard for you Image

One of the things I found hard (and I feel guilty saying this reading about your husband) is I struggled to find mental illness an 'illness' early on. If you broke a leg then you have to limp and have crutches but for me depression (mental illness) could always be fixed by some work/activity/sport rather than 'wallowing' as my dad would say Image

We are a year into this now and I am searching for a light at the end of the tunnel......
Hello and Welcome Image

India.x
Hi Badgers.
Welcome.Just read your note.Really feel for you.You are not alone - there are a lot of caring people here.
Best wishes,
Philco22 Image
Hi Philco22...

Caring I can do. I am a chef so love cooking, actually enjoy cleaning (yes I am a bloke) and take pleasure in going shopping or cycling to a chemist to get prescriptions Image

What I struggle SO much with is keeping myself calm and patient with her. We live in a small flat and I hear the word 'sorry' at least 50 times a day. When I say that 'sorry' is not needed if you are ill then she will say 'sorry' for saying 'sorry' Image

Moaning here ^ but it is healthy to have a vent is it not? I worry I have been keeping too much bottled up inside me.
Hello and welcome!

I am mother of 4, youngest has Aspergers syndrome, sister to a brother who has classic autism and a sister with manic depression so I look after her 3 year old son sometimes when she cannot cope and I am also daughter of and carer for an 84 year old mum wo has a whole host of ailments including Hypertension, osteoporosis, Rheumatoid arthritis and most recently now dementia. I believe I am called a sandwich carer...I would say a triple decker sandwich with tonnes of pickle!!

A sense of humor helps a lot and I hope we can all help you to stay sane and cope. I also recommend you telephone the carers uk helpline to get advice regarding financial help you may be entitled to and/or other more specific organisations that may be of assistance to your wife.

Chin up Image
Hello badger and welcome to the forum
Its the hidden disabilities that seem so much harder. I care for my husband who has an acquired brain injury resulting in epilepsy and cognitive problems. Because he can walk, feed and dress himself etc lots of people are unaware that he is disabled, but live with him for a couple of days and you would see the problems.
It took me a long time to realise that I am his carer and for the reality of it to sink in.
Vent all you like - we understand on here Image
Feel free to post on any of the threads or start a new one if there is something specific you want to talk/ask about.
Hi Badgers and welcome Image
We don't have a thread or topic running specifically discussing GAD but you're more than welcome to start one, especially if there is anything specific. We all try and help where we can Image
Hi badgers, and welcome form me too, most of us here can relate to what you are going through, and anxiety and depression are tough ones on all concerned. Feeling resentful is natural, so don't be too hard on yourself. it's natural to feel that way, and doesn't mean you are going to act on those feelings.
Good luck,
Phoebe x