My dad passed away a few years ago leaving my mum whos now 70. I have 2 sisters who both help with care such as company at appointments, company at home, leisure activities etc. I’m feeling really stressed by the constant need to be available and my constant thinking about my mum and worrying she’s lonely while I have my own young family, job and life.. I’m confused, am I a carer in this situation?
Absolutely a carer, because mum is having a significant effect on your life.
I had counselling, which helped me sort out my priorities, as like you I was being pulled in all directions, there was never any time for me.
The counsellor supported me to discuss how I could do this.
My brain damaged son couldn't speak up for himself, my disabled mum could. So mum had to come second to my son. She didn't like it, but understood.
So sit down with your family and think what the problems are, maybe make a list?
What jobs must be done?
Could they be done differently, or dumped altogether?
Gardening can be done by someone else, cleaning, shopping don't need family either.
Why do you feel you have to be available all the time?
I was widowed at 54, and disabled 3 months later in a car accident.
Making a new life is difficult, but mum seems to want everyone to do everything dad used to?
That's not fair, and will leave all of you doing more and more until she dies.
She needs to do more for herself, and have someone other than family taking her to appointments, leisure activities etc.
Now I'm the same age as mum, I've been on lots of foreign holidays, rented cottages and taken my sewing machine to sew in the evenings. Maybe time for mum to be more independent,take more control of her own life, and spread her wings? Prepare to be a bit scared, make new friends, and discover a new life for herself?