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24/7 care - Carers UK Forum

24/7 care

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi, I am Kevin,

An introduction of who I am.

I am 63 year old son and a live in career for my 92 year old mother.

I have looked after my mother for sometime now although I only registered as a career a year or so back, previously I was unaware that I could do this.

We live in a bungalow which does give us room to “escape” from one another, however because of my mother’s "problems" I have to be on call constantly.

Mother is deaf, frail and also suffers from regular U.T.I’s (and associated problems). Shake her and she may rattle from the pills she takes, mother even has Botox injections (not for cosmetic reasons but for eye spasm control).

So what’s my problem?

Being at someone’s back and call is, as I am sure most readers will know, very demanding.

I have no friends to talk to or help me, except for a really helpful sister who calls when she can; fortunately I do have the Internet which helps.

We tend only to see the occasional medical staff, who look after mother, as and when required.

Although I no longer drive I do try to take her out (via public transport) whenever possible, which she enjoys but I always have to ensure there are plenty of accessible toilets around, although the current weather has made this more difficult.

I am sure my mother would relish the company of others as my company must be taxing for her at times?

My life is on hold now, I don’t mind so long as my mother is happy which, lately, is not always the case and I am at a loss to know what to do next?

I had a telephone "career's" assessment when I first signed up and that’s about it. I have asked for another in case there is something they can offer me but I am not holding my breath.

I think the time has come for both of us to have a break from one another, I definitely need a goodnight's sleep although how this might happen is not yet clear.

You know, being career is fine but sometimes the career needs a career too or am I now being silly?

Anyway thanks for reading this, hope it was not too boring?

Kevin
Hello Kevin
You know, being career is fine but sometimes the career needs a career too or am I now being silly?
Of course you are not being silly. Being a carer is indeed hard work and everyone needs a break now and then. When you have your carers assessment (make sure this is not done at the same time as your mums needs assessment) tell them like it is and ask for some form of respite. You need some time for you.
You may also be able to get some form of voluntary "befriending" service which could give you a couple of hours break. Is there a carers drop near you which could give you a bit of a break and the chance to talk to others in your position (we are happy to chat on here, but its not quite the same a face to face contact)? Finally, is there a day centre she could go to once a week?
Find out what is available locally, ask social services about it too.
Make sure you look after yourself - caring can take it out of you.
Crocus has some very good advice, can't offer any more myself, so hello and welcome.
Hi Kevin, Caring is hard work, mentally and physically, sometimes it can feel a bit like slavery, no guaranteed time off for holidays, or even illness. I have a friend in similar circumstances to you, whose mum lived until 103. He ended up being just as housebound as she was. It's not just the caree getting older, it's the carer too. I'm a similar age to you. In the last 10 years I've slowed up considerably, due to health problems of my own. I just don't have the same amount of stamina. I would suggest that you asked for a face to face Carers Assessment, somewhere in private away from your mum so you could be open and honest. Find out exactly what is in your area, there may be a Carers Group, or a befriending service, or church support, there is bound to be something. In my area, we are given a Carers Pack, quite a large booklet full of things available in the County. There is a Carers Support Worker, who organises day trips for carers and carees, and special Carers Days. The problem is that these things are never advertised, so you need to go onto a mailing list to hear about what is going on - this is why a proper Carers Assessment is vital.
Hi Kevin, welcome Image
Sorry I can't offer much more advice, the only thing is, do you have a Crossroads Care near you?
They were great with my Dad, someone came and sat with him 1 afternoon a week so I could have a break.
xx
Hi Sturdygirl,

Just by contributing something tells me you care; never say sorry for trying to help, it means a lot, thank you.

Kevin
Hi Bowling,

There was an amusing truth is what you wrote and the effects of slowing up are, unfortunately, becoming very obvious to me but worrying about something we can do nothing about is pointless.

I am managing to gather a set of questions (through this site) that I can ask about within my next assessment (due in a week or so) which is very encouraging.

Thank you for your response, to be frank, I am never free from either the mental and physical affects of caring.

Kevin
Thank you, SussexRokx

Quite a refreshing response, yes the internet can be useful but sometimes it can get very addictive too. Never-the-less your points were welcomed and it only goes to prove, the more you put into something the more you can reap.

Kevin
Thank you Frito,

Just knowing others care helps enormously.

Kevin.
hi Kevin, Image