Alone and caring for my Dad

[Busymiss]

can your sibling not come over? and have a spell of reallity? sounds like they are well off the scale! they are on another planet! Take heart! you are doing a fantastic job, You have absolutely nothing to feel gulity about! To me it is about them! Wish you all the luck in the world. Things are what they are! YOU can't change them. You bear no responsibilty for outcomes whatsoever. xx

[bowlingbun]

I had two brothers, seldom visited mum, never took her out even for a drive. Nevertheless, they would always tell me what (more) I should be doing for mum, despite my own health problems and son with learning difficulties!!! Truth is, they were feeling guilty, and I reminded them of their failings. Last Christmas, my brother finally made it down here to visit mum, on IV antibiotics for a chest infection in hospital two miles from my home. He couldn't even be bothered to drive up the road to see me, yet he has a job which involves a huge amount of driving!!!

[Busymiss]

awww, your stories are soo sad.... I know it is tough looking after my dad, I know a lot of responsibilty is on my shoulders. My sis lives 200 miles away and it is difficult for her, but she does care and does her best! In some ways it is worse for her! Even though I am taking on the "doing"...She carries soo much guilt, and wishes she lives round the corner. (even if she does come with some "odd ball" ways of getting round things) She does care and worries so much about both of us! xx

[Violet]

Christine, it's just so ridiculous that you should be blamed for the illness but we carers are easy targets I think. My experience, as I continue to care for hubby, is that our son and daughter do not get involved in any helpful way. They each moved away to work after university so do not live near us but always used to visit fairly frequently until hubby became unwell - from that time their visits became less and less frequent and their attitude towards me is quite unpleasant - never encouraging but often critical and derogatory.

[Anne001]

Very poignant, Christine.

Another solo carer here (for mum with dementia and other ailments), also working full-time with helicopter relatives. Oh, for more hours in the day ...