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age restriction - Carers UK Forum

age restriction

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hi new to the forum and have a question so here goes i'm a single dad with a disabled daughter she is 12 years old up until now i've been sorting out her personal hygiene ie changing bathing you get the picture but just recently it has been suggested that at this age it may now be inappropriate for me to do this so is there an age limit to doing this Image Image Image Image Image Image Image
Hello Brian and welcome Image

Sorry but i dont have the answer to your question. But, dont worry there will be others to along to welcome you soon. Im sure somebody will be of more help than me.
hi Brian and welcome Image
Sorry, I don't know either, but if there's only the 2 of you, who else is going to do it?
Was it a professional who suggested it might be becoming inappropriate?
hi brian,
i don't have the answer i am afraid, but can completely understand how you feel. my daughter is now 46, not living at home anymore. however, we have her with us twice a week and my husband sometimes still helps with personal care/toileting etc. as he did when she was living with us up until she was 42. its a constant worry for him that somebody is going to say something about it. however, as he says, he wants to help me out. if i am cooking or busy with my mum, he will just automatically take her to the bathroom if she needs to go.
I can see its even more difficult for you as you are on your own with your daughter. not sure what else you can do really, these things have to be done and cannot be just left.
Is there somebody you could talk to, perhaps at her school. good luck.
no idea sorry

maybe ask who ever said this to you
Sorry I don't know the legalities on this subject. A male friend of mine has a 35 year old daughter with downs syndrome and has to assist her with toileting and hygeine matters when his wife is ill/out etc.
yeh it was a so called profesional it was a social worker Image Image Image Image Image
I was once asked by a social worker if I had any problems looking after my mums personal care and she said its usually more likely to be a problem if someone is looking after an opposite gender parent.
She didn't say it was in any way unacceptable. I personally think any problems are likely to be in the minds of others rather than for you or your daughter.
i wasent asked i was told that in her opinion it was now inappropriate for me to bath toilet and dress her as she was 12 years old both my daughter and i are comfortable with it we just see it as somthing that has to be done and get on with it
I can see how this could be an issue in the eyes of professionals... especially with the gender issues - but on the other side, I fail to see what it is to do with them.

The problem that they have is either she has hit puberty or they suspect that she may be about to and some teenagers at this age might become embarrassed having a parent looking after their intimate needs. The social worker could also be thinking of issues covering you if someone was to claim that something inappropriate is going on

Do you have a female who could either supervise her intimate care or take over from you? . If not, it might be worth asking the social worker what s/he would do in your situation, intervene or allow his/her daughter to become neglected because she is unable to wash and toilet herself.

Another option might be to get some sort of female care worker in to tend to her more intimate needs (Whether you are able to fund this yourself or get social services to provide one for you), it is something that's worth doing to prevent them from trying to turn difficult further down the road from here.

You could also request another social worker and a Care plan assessment to see if she would qualify for some help with the social services.