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Advise on member of family - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Advise on member of family

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I think the fact that the mortgage is in mum's name might be a complication. Can I suggest that you get a copy of the deeds of the house, presumably with the mortgage company, and then consult a solicitor?
If Mum is deemed to own the house then it's probable that the value of the property will be counted as her asset and she may be expected to sell in order to fund care home fees.
There is a scheme where the council will pay the fees on the understanding that the house is eventually sold and they are paid back.
I think, and I'm no expert, just my opinion, is that your best hope is that CHC check and Mum scoring highly.
The next is that it is your family home and they cannot make you homeless.
Also if you have been paying off the new mortgage and can prove it, that may be a help.
Last option I can think of at the moment is that you pay Mum's care home fees - could be £1000.00 a week, depending on where you live.

As BB says, you need professional advice which will no doubt produce more options and make it clear where you stand.

May I add something grim, which may affect both the decision as to your MIL's future care, and to the financial aspect thereof. It is this. I'm sorry to say that cancer seldom goes away completely. You haven't quite spelt out what her stage is, but if she has cancer 'in several places' that does tend to indicate that it is Stage IV (ie, metastatic, it's gone via the blood to 'sprout' as secondary tumours in places like the lungs and the liver). IF that is so (though of course, I may have misunderstood, and her cancer may not be straightforward in the first place)(eg, if she has CUP - Cancer of Unknown Primary where the doctors don't know where it started) then 'officially' that is 'terminal cancer' (from what I understand). Hopefully, even at this stage treatment has 'silenced' the cancer, so it may not be active, it may not be growing .....but, even so, the potential, alas, is there for it to 'reactivate'.

Obviously I'm only 'assuming' but the reason I'm doing so, even if I'm totally wrong, is that I would, personally speaking, if I were you, have a 'full and frank' discussion with your MIL's oncologist - preferably with your MIL's direct consent, but if not, it may be possible for the oncologist to talk about not your MIL in particular, but the 'general prognosis' of someone with her type of cancer, at her type of stage, etc etc. Now, one thing I learnt in Cancerworld, after my husband was diagnosed, was that no one, not even the best oncologist in the world, has a definite prognosis, a clear 'timeline', but they do know, intimately, the probabilities and the statistics, and that will be a guide to you to how long your MIL is likely to survive from now on forward. At the least it may give you the 'minimum' and the 'maximum'.

This information may then guide your decisions as to her future care, and, too, from a financial point of view, whether her assets will 'see her out' etc etc.

I'm sorry to raise such a sad possibility, but as I say, once cancer enters the scene, such things have to be thought about, and taken into account, even if the prognosis, and the actuality, are not as grim.

Wishing you well in a difficult situation, Jenny
Im going to come from a different angle here and you may not like what I am going to write, but I would like to tell you about my mum

Mum has Alzheimers and is in a care home. She too is losing her swallow and has been in hospital with pneumonia and has had many other infections. She also has severe memory loss, restricted mobility and incontinence due to her Alzheimers. While she was in hospital with pneumonia her doctor had a long discussion with me about PEG feeding and her quality of life. Following this discussion I have decided not to go for PEG feeding, but to allow her to pass away naturally when the time comes.
Crocus, I think yours is a very brave and honest post. Speaking entirely personally, I think you are making the right decision. As you may recall, my husband died of cancer some years ago, and he, too, a day or so before the end, lost his swallow reflex. We kept his mouth moist with 'Q-tips' (well, that's what they looked like, but bigger!), and I was worried he would be thirsty. He was on a liquid tranquilliser/painkiller, which also gave him moisture. Plus, with his activity level so low (he was unconscious by then), he was also generating 'internal water' during the respiration process. He passed that mysterious barrier very peacefully.

PS - nice to see you on the forum again.