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Advice please dementia residential care - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Advice please dementia residential care

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MrsAverage wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 5:50 pm
My Mum (with dementia) keeps asking when she's going home, but it turns out she doesn't know where home is, sometimes it's her childhood home. Now we just say "when you are well enough" or "when you are better" and she seems to accept this as she knows something is wrong.
It is sad their NEEDS mean they need more care and attention than we can give them at home, no matter how much we'd want to. NEEDs have to take precedence over wants and wishes.
Thank you so much all the posts I have read have opened my mind to different ways of dealing with this as nothing was registering with me at the moment so thank you very much for that
Melly1 wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 10:12 am
Hi Ian,
If your Mum has advanced Alzheimer's and dementia, it's unlikely she will recall the conversation a short while later. She will probably ask each visit when she is going home, use what Pet66 calls kind lies and say something like, "Soon, Mum," and change the topic or "later," or "when the doctor says," etc and then distract her.

Have a look at Pet66's thread re her hubby needing to go into a nursing home https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... ilit=Pet66 It's the same with your Mum, she needs fulltime care now.

Personally, I wouldn't make a big deal of telling her she needs residential care now and I would just tell she is going to stay a few more days etc ... However, if this social worker is insisting you tell her, before she can be funded for a permanent place, then I would say something like, "Mum you know I love you very much, well you need fulltime care now, but we'll all be popping in to see you very soon." Some Carer's on here have often timed their visits before a meal/ snack is due then it's easier to just slip away whilst their relative is occupied.

Another piece of advice on here, from those who have had to cope wth a relative with dementia and placing them in a home, is don't feel guilty, feel sad. It's sad they have this horrid condition and sad they need fulltime care. Remember you are doing it BECAUSE you love your Mum and want her to have the care she NEEDS.

Melly1
Thank you so much all the posts I have read have opened my mind to different ways of dealing with this as nothing was registering with me at the moment so thank you very much for that
It's very hard to also care for someone else at the same time you cannot split yourself and you never feel like you are doing enough for one person that helps me focus that my son needs me he has downsyndrome epilepsy and autism ec he is 28 and the constant guilt of not doing enough can be overwhelming
I'm glad I joined as it builds confidence to read people's experiences help advice and other stories thank you
Thank you for replies it has helped me view this situation in a different perspective and opened my mind to different ways of approaching the situation and as I said it builds confidence. Reading others experiences and getting advice and help from people kind enough to respond thank you.