Advice please

[Lisa_17031]

Hello, I am new to this org. I currently look after my mother and brother, although I do not live with them, I visit them daily to care for them. My father died 3 years ago, he too was disabled. My brother has Downs Syndrome and my mother has various issues and mobility problems. My brother lives with my mother and has a care plan in place to help with his personal care. However over the past couple of days my mothers mobility has decreased due to spinal problems and she was today admitted to hospital. I have my own home and also have a little girl and partner. Lately I have been feeling really overwhelmed. I have no other siblings to help me. Do you think carers would come for both my mother and brother once she is out of hospital? I am terrified that the local authority will try to recommend full time care for one or both. I do not want this to happen, and also they both wish to stay at home, yet I need help / assistance as there is only one of me and I am not superwoman. Advice needed please?

[bowlingbun]

Lisa, start with the learning disability team and ask for an URGENT Needs Assessment as your brother's situation has changed now mum has gone into hospital.
Can I ask how old he is? Does he attend day services every day, ever used respite care? My son has SLD, now 37, so I understand your dilemmas.
How disabled is mum?

[Lisa_17031]

My brother is 32 yrs old. He goes to a day centre. I work 4 days a week also. My mum has myleopathy and has a walker. I can stay at their home as a short term thing, but couldn't long term. I just need help, but am afraid to ask in case it ends up being something extreme which isn't what we want. But on the other hand I don't want my little girl and partner to be effected..... feel isolated.....

[bowlingbun]

Don't be afraid to ask. Residential homes are few and far between, most have closed down. Care in the Community is flavour of the month!

[MrsAverage]

Yes I too think 'extreme' is unlikely, more likely to have to watch out for 'cheap' or 'minimal'
Make sure that Mum has proper discharge planning, that includes your brother's situation too

Kind regards
MrsA

[Pet66]

You are very important too. Plus your little girl and partner. Time flies with children and its good to enjoy their stages in life while you can as much as possible. I understand its impossible to keep them free from the knocks in life, ie,grandparents becoming frail etc, and best in my opinion to support them through rather than wrap in cotton wool. You do need to accept as much help as you can get whilst you can. If you become I'll through stress, what then??
Wishing you the very best in your trying times. Keep in touch.

[bowlingbun]

How much do you know about "Supported Living". Your brother could move into either a shared house, or his own flat, and have carers support him, whilst still going to his day centre. After I developed health problems, my son moved into a flat, which he loves, and keeps amazingly tidy. He now has a life and friends of his own, and comes home alternate weekends, and speaks to us on the phone every night.
It really is time you looked at what is available like this in your area, and how to go about starting the process.