May I ask a 'difficult' question. What was your mum like before she had her stroke? Was she someone who liked her family 'all around her', and did your dad spend his time 'looking after her' (cossetting her, fussing over her, doing what she wanted, making sure she was comfortable etc etc etc?) Did you, as her daughter, do the same?
I'm asking this because I'm trying to understand what your mum's underlying personality is, and what the family dynamics were before she had her stroke. What I'm getting at is that if she was always, if not actually 'demanding' then at least 'expecting' - ie, took it for granted that she was the 'Queen of the Family' (!) - then having a stroke won't change that - but her 'needs' will only have increased because of it.
Or are her current needs ONLY because of the stroke - what makes her 'full on'?
Why are you all 'not thinking' about SS etc? Is it your mum rejecting it, or maybe your dad saying 'I'm not having strangers in to look after my wife!', or you saying 'I can do it all mum!'?
I'm only throwing these things in because, to be honest, even if your husband is brilliant, and even if you don't have a baby at all, how long do you think you are going to go on having your 'day job' of looking after your mum? What happens at weekends now, or when you and your husband want a holiday? Or what happens when your dad wants or needs a break?
We all pay lots in taxes - that means that the SS is there just as the NHS is there. It isn't 'free' - it's 'pre-paid' if you like (ie, when we pay our taxes!). So your mum is, if she qualifies financially (ie, if your dad isn't a millionaire or whatever!), to have some care-workers come in to help with her.
You know, even if you had a baby and then hired a nanny for it, so you could look after your mum still, I would agree with BB that your baby/little kiddie has to come first with you, and that means your mum can't come first any more. Like I say, if she wants the joys of a grandchild - and yes, it's great indeed if there are some things SHE can do for you and the baby! - then she has to accept, and so do you and your dad, that you need more 'outside help' with your 'full on' mum.
As for the future, well, new research comes up with new treatments all the time, and that includes stroke, so MAYBE it could be that your mum can improve as time goes by, and become less dependent on anyone.
It's always immensely sad when severe health problems hit families, and your mum was very young to have stroke, but at the same time, you do have to think of your own future. If you really, REALLY are adamant you don't want care-workers in to help, you could get pregnant, and have your baby, BUT having 'prepared' to have care workers in IF it then proves (as, with my own experience of motherhood!!!!!) I expect you'll find it impossible to be a full time day carer for your mum, and a full time 24x7 carer for your baby/kiddie!
Sometimes in life we are so very 'torn' between two people we love (in your case, your mum and your baby-to-be), but maybe one way of looking at it is that the 'next generation' (ie, your baby) is the one to focus on, as they have all their life ahead of them - and they MUST have a devoted mum who isn't fretting and exhausted (by anyone but the baby!!!!)
Wishing you well, in not easy circumstances, Jenny