Hello

[Elaine_2112]

My name is Elaine and I am 65 caring for my mum who will be 90 in January . I currently work for NHS but will be retiring next year as mum seems to be getting more needy, currently my husband who has been retired 10years helps care for her while I am at work. My issue is I feel resentful at giving up work and along with caring for mum We do childcare too. I feel I have no freedom as when my mum was my age she traveled the world. My husband is now tired had prostrate cancer last year and I feel I am changing one caring role for another. I feel so guilty for feeling like this I love my family dearly they are my world, but me Elaine has got lost, hence why I am here.

[bowlingbun]

Hi Elaine, welcome to the forum.
I had counselling to help me set priorities, to find "me" again. Maybe this might help you.

I would definitely recommend paying someone if you can afford it, after a bad experience, just as I was opening up I was told that I'd had all my free sessions (no one told me there was a limit) so I had to start all over again with someone new. The first was male, the second female. I found it helpful to have a woman who understood me better.

Would you like to tell us more about mum? Does she live with you, or in her own home? Owned, or rented?
You do not HAVE to do anything for anyone else. If you think about what she wants you to do, many of those things can be done by someone else. Yes, I know she likes you to do them, all mums do, but she has no right to take chunks of your life.

[Elaine_2112]

Thank you Bowlingbun.
I just need to get some perspective!
Mum lives alone in a her own bungalow, can still manage to wash dress and feed herself and put a ready meal in oven, but she has chronic anxiety and everyday she says I feel awful, she is also forgets names and repeats constantly . She has no pain and can walk around with no difficulty indoors , she is now back on her antidepressant but they don’t seem to be as effective this time.
We are seeing GP in 2 weeks I feel she may early onset dementia along with depression.