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New member - Carers UK Forum

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Hi,

Just to introduce myself and a brief back story if I may..
I'm Paul, and care full time for my terminally ill Mum who has lung and brain cancer. Since confirmed diagnosis in August my world has shattered to a million pieces.
In recovery personally from serious illness my only family, my best friend and reason has this cruel disease that will Rob me of the one person who has been so strong and there for me throughout my 55 years.
Since August, with no other family or close friends I have had to learn everything alone do everything alone with the nights quiet, the worse.
Sorry to rattle on and have been chastised previously for saying man up Paul.. but I just can't anymore and have no one to turn to. Thank you for reading 😊 x
Paul_1911123456789 wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 11:26 pm
Hi,

Just to introduce myself and a brief back story if I may..
I'm Paul, and care full time for my terminally ill Mum who has lung and brain cancer. Since confirmed diagnosis in August my world has shattered to a million pieces.
In recovery personally from serious illness my only family, my best friend and reason has this cruel disease that will Rob me of the one person who has been so strong and there for me throughout my 55 years.
Since August, with no other family or close friends I have had to learn everything alone do everything alone with the nights quiet, the worse.
Sorry to rattle on and have been chastised previously for saying man up Paul.. but I just can't anymore and have no one to turn to. Thank you for reading 😊 x
Hello and welcome!

Have you requested a needs assessment or not?
Hi Paul.

CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare ... End of Life care ?

Links for both ... there IS help out there in this stressful circumstances :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... read-35998

( In particular , this section : FAST TRACK NHS CONTINUING HEALTHCARE ( NOT JUST FOR END OF LIFE ! )

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/end-of-li ... it-starts/

End of life care is support for people who are in the last months or years of their life.

End of life care should help you to live as well as possible until you die and to die with dignity. The people providing your care should ask you about your wishes and preferences, and take these into account as they work with you to plan your care. They should also support your family, carers or other people who are important to you.

You have the right to express your wishes about where you would like to receive care and where you want to die. You can receive end of life care at home, or in care homes, hospices or hospitals, depending on your needs and preference.

People who are approaching the end of life are entitled to high-quality care, wherever they're being cared for.


Marie Curie Organisation ... a leading player in palliative care :

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/supp ... -life-care

Not easy subjects , either to read or ... face head on.

Your mother ... and you ... need help , fast !
Hi Paul, it really doesn't have to be like this.
I'm dismayed and disgusted that you have been left alone at such an incredibly difficult time.
Sadly, I've now supported six relatives when they were very ill.
The following questions are awful to ask, but the more you are prepared the easier it will be.

Do you have any idea about how much time is left?
Would you prefer a hospice to be involved?
Are you aware of the Signs of Dying? If not, please google this. There is lots of helpful, well written information which will help you understand how the body gradually shuts down, and why someone may not eat or drink as much as usual.
Now for the worst of all questions.
Have you considered which funeral director you will use, and know what it will cost?
Do you have Power of Attorney?
Is there a will?
Have you researched end of life or pallative care? This is a supportive non judgemental form of care for those who are terminally unwell. I suggest talking to the doctors to see what options are available locally. Speak to your family GP as well, he or she should be able to help.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/end-of-li ... ning-ahead
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/end-of-li ... from-care/
"Man Up" is the most ridiculous phrase for others to use to you, in this situation. Of course you are devastated, but you need to realise that they only make it because they are feeling inadequate, and they're actually saying it for their OWN benefit, not yours, and it really doesn't help!
Make a list if absolutely everything that's worrying you - easier on the computer, because you can then shuffle it into order of priority. Share the top two or three things with us, and we will help you find possible ways of dealing with whatever it is.
I would strongly recommend that you have some counselling, someone not personally involved in the situation who is only concerned with you and can support you.
Having lost a lot of relatives in recent years, I know how much just knowing my counsellor was there when I needed her helped enormously.
What close relatives are there who are not helping in any way but will be circling round in the hope of a payout later?
One thing that is really, really important is to know what you own situation will be when mum has died. Does she own, or rent, the property where you live?