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Dealing with death and everything afterwards - Carers UK Forum

Dealing with death and everything afterwards

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Last week I lost my best friend, he died in hospital due to pneumonia. I am now at a loss with myself and grieving. Tomorrow I have a Universal Credit interview to renew my commitments but I don't feel ready to go back to work. The GP has me on anti depressants and I have a consultation with the GP on Thursday. My head is all over the place at the moment. I have been heavily involved in my friends care from August 2004 until when he died last week and my world has just been turned upside down. I am crying alot as what my friend went through leading up to his death was traumatic as he suffered from delirium really badly.

I don't know what to say at my commitments interview tomorrow as I am not sleeping, hardly eating, have no get up and go to do anything, I feel flat, down and depressed. I am missing my friend alot as he played a big role in my life for the last 17 years. I need space at the moment and I cannot even think of looking for or doing work at the moment.

Thanks for any advice given.
Dear Tom
Your friend had a good friend in you.
I am concerned about you facing the interview on your own.
.can you visit or call your GP to to get some sick leave to give you some time to begin to recover from your loss.
I hope the you get some space .

Warm wishes Ula
Ula wrote:
Mon Apr 25, 2022 8:57 pm
Dear Tom
Your friend had a good friend in you.
I am concerned about you facing the interview on your own.
.can you visit or call your GP to to get some sick leave to give you some time to begin to recover from your loss.
I hope the you get some space .

Warm wishes Ula
The GP is phoning me on Thursday to review my anti depressants so will ask then. I am just going to tell the person I see tomorrow straight and cry as well because my head is spinning at the moment.
Tom I'm so sorry for your loss of your best friend.
You clearly are unfit to work and I hope you can get signed off by your doctor.
Yes, turn up and let them see the reality.

I hope you are comforted and proud by how well you looked after him.
It is heartbreaking to lose a close friend, it is the end of the world right now but it will get easier in time.

You need to discuss all of it with your GP, you may have other issues besides grief which might need addressing.
Universal Credit where brilliant and the lady I spoke to told me what I need to do so they leave me alone to let me grieve.

I am so upset at the loss of my best friend and will miss him alot.
Tom, grief if the price you pay for loving someone.
You will never forget your friend, he will live on in you forever.
Feelings are very raw at the moment, but in time you will remember happier times.
Hi Tom. I'm sorry for your loss.

I was with Dad when he died, and for a while afterwards I found it really difficult thinking about him because all I could remember were those last few moments, in a sort of loop.

Writing his eulogy forced me to think about the good stuff. To get there I had to dig through years' worth of photos: because Dad took most of the family photos there were very few of him. Turns out I'd taken most of those as a child and of course later.

But it did help to look back on those happier times. It didn't hurt quite so much, even though there would be no new happy times with him. There's an Irish expression that sort of covers this: "We knew the few days." There are memories to cherish and it's worth teasing them out gently. It does help.
Tom
I was with my husband when he died and it was very peaceful, for which I am very thankful for. Sadly had watched him deteriorate over 6 years and was a very long good-bye. At 1st all I could think about and see were the awful times. Never thought I would remember happier times. I do now. Remembered fondly. Very much missed by family. Bleak times can creep in but no longer take over my thoughts.
Nature allows people with bereavement to adjust. If you let it.
Already you have had something positive. The U C agent has acknowledged your need to time, quite rightly I might add.
Take care and one day at a time
Dear Tom
I feel for you, you seem devasted.
I am relieved the UC person could help you have some space and time.
Much love Ula