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My lady has died - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

My lady has died

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Thanks to all of you for your support, advice and kindness.

I am making progress and practical matters have more or less now been organised. My wife's Priest has suggested I say a few words, but if I find that a problem, he will help out. He has stressed that we shall all be friends together, grieving the loss of a lady we loved and folks will understand if I get upset.

So - lots of help, one way or another, for which I have been grateful.

An odd thing has been happening during the past week or so. My wife and I used a wireless door bell so she could let me know when she needed help of some kind. I have been hearing this in my sleep, so convincingly that I have got out of bed and been on my way to her bedroom before I realised it was a false alarm. That problem, thankfully, is diminishing.

Although I received three invitations to join friends for their Christmas, I declined with thanks. Some friends even offered to plate up a meal and bring it round - such kindness! Some time on my own for reflection seemed better suited to my mood and that proved to be the case.

Going through packets of photos to select some for the Order of Service, I also found a large envelope stuffed with the counterfoils to tickets for concerts, shows and so on we had attended, right from out first date. Even bus tickets. I had no idea my lady had been secreting these away, but going through them reminded me of so many past occasions when we were having such good times together. The last, few difficult years pale by comparison, and that thought made me feel a lot better.

I am making a list of things to do, now the immediate concerns have been dealt with, but I shall take the advice you have offered and not pressure myself to do things in a hurry. A little bit every day, perhaps.
Alan,
it sounds like you are finding your way. It's good that you have kind people around you, even though you aren't ready to be socialising just yet. Reminiscing as you looked through the photos and remnants sounded lovely - a great way to put the last few more difficult years into context of all the good times you shared.

Melly1
Alan, Sincere condolences to you. Rosemary
My thanks to Melly1 and Rosemary for your kind thoughts.

My wife's funeral took place yesterday and I am pleased to say that all went very smoothly - I even managed my Eulogy without losing control. It seemed to me that my lady was with me and wishing me well.

We had flowers just on the coffin. During my Eulogy I mentioned CarersUK and told them of all the practical help, advice and moral support I had received from the kindly folks on this forum. I suggested that if they wanted to mark my lady's passing with a donation to CarersUK, anything they gave would be put to good use. And they gave very generously. I have just paid the money over on line. Others, I know, will donate on line themselves.

Now the funeral is done, I must start dealing with other concerns, but I shall follow the excellent advice offered here, take things slowly and do the things I need to organise gradually.

Somehow, now the future doesn't look as bleak as it did initially. I have been given a lot of comfort during the past week or so and especially yesterday by the kind comments from friends and family. I didn't know how much my wife was loved - I can understand it, but I didn't know it until now. I was a very lucky man to share in her life. I had the great good fortune to enjoy the unconditional love of a lady who accepted without reservation my love for her.

Thanks to all of you for your support.
Alan, I'm glad it went well for you yesterday.
I think the next few weeks are a bit like treading water, there is no hurry, take you time to reflect and think about what you want to do in the future, when you are ready.
Dear Alan
It was so lovely to read your update. Thankyou for letting us know how you're doing. Remember that the writing can continue if it helps.
Bless you, all the best.
ps. that was a very sweet thing to do, the donation.
Alan
So pleased all went well, and you braved the eulogy. Take care of yourself now. One day at a time for a while.
Alan_1709 wrote:
Fri Jan 03, 2020 1:11 pm
My thanks to Melly1 and Rosemary for your kind thoughts.

My wife's funeral took place yesterday and I am pleased to say that all went very smoothly - I even managed my Eulogy without losing control. It seemed to me that my lady was with me and wishing me well.

We had flowers just on the coffin. During my Eulogy I mentioned CarersUK and told them of all the practical help, advice and moral support I had received from the kindly folks on this forum. I suggested that if they wanted to mark my lady's passing with a donation to CarersUK, anything they gave would be put to good use. And they gave very generously. I have just paid the money over on line. Others, I know, will donate on line themselves.

Now the funeral is done, I must start dealing with other concerns, but I shall follow the excellent advice offered here, take things slowly and do the things I need to organise gradually.

Somehow, now the future doesn't look as bleak as it did initially. I have been given a lot of comfort during the past week or so and especially yesterday by the kind comments from friends and family. I didn't know how much my wife was loved - I can understand it, but I didn't know it until now. I was a very lucky man to share in her life. I had the great good fortune to enjoy the unconditional love of a lady who accepted without reservation my love for her.

Thanks to all of you for your support.
Alan, on behalf of Carers UK, we're very sorry to hear of your recent loss. Your story and perspective on life is so touching and I'm so glad for you that the eulogy went well. It was very sweet of you to mention Carers UK and we are truly grateful for the generosity. With your donation, we can help be there for more carers as we were there for you. It sound like you have a good support which is heartening to hear. Do take each day as it comes as you have been doing. And of course, our forum is here for you.