Finding myself again

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Hello Everyone,

I lost my mum 8 months ago to an aggressive throat cancer. 10 months prior to her passing her sister passed away to the same type of cancer. It has been a difficult couple of years and I feel very lost and have done for some time. Losing two people who I loved and cared for in the space of 12 months has been a shock.

I have spent a long time being involved in caring for them both and now they are gone I am finding it hard to care for myself. I don't know who I am when im not caring for others. its been a really hard transition to make and I really struggle with it. Grief has turned into depression and I just want to get my life back on track but seem to go round in circles

Has anyone has a similar experience or offer advice on this?

One thing that has been helping a little is writing. I created a blog shortly before my mum passed away and I have been using that as an outlet to write about my life as a carer in hopes that I can reach people that have experienced something similar.
When I was widowed, I joined a forum for widows, and we all agreed that around 6 months after someone died was the very worst, so I'm not surprised that you are struggling. You are not quite the same person you were, now older, wiser, battle weary? Make a wish list of things you always wanted to do, small, large, or inbetween. Then challenge yourself to do some of them. I bought a book called "Starting Again" by Sarah Litvinoff, really aimed at divorcees but much is relevant to anyone facing a big change in lifestyle. Best of all, it's easy to read, and you can just read a few pages at a time. Really helped me. Now I can put in concealed zips, I've been to a live show, and I holiday in the Mediterranean, at a wonderful hotel for single people (Mistral Hotel, Maleme, near Chania). There's lots of the "old" me, but I have a new confidence and happiness too.