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Planet - Carers UK Forum


For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
I just joined a few days ago, I have enjoyed speaking to all of you. I am sitting thinking
how isolating this caring can make you. I am two months on now from my mums death, when
your a carer , as you know it's like you are on another planet to them. It's the same when they are
gone you are somehow different to the people around you. I fool myself into thinking I'm o.k. but
I'm not. Do any of you feel it's one rule for them, and one rule for you. in life
The problem with caring is most people are tied to the house. outsiders do not realise this. You
have to be fully alert all the time also. Saying that, even with all the strain of caring. I would have
my mum back in a heart-beat. Minie
Yes I often felt that I was living on a different planet to everyone else, and almost 18 months after my mother has gone into care I'm just about begining to pick up the threads of some kind of life, I say some kind of life because I couldn't go back to where I left off my former life, plus I feel as if I'm a different person to what/how I was before becoming a carer.
Thanks Cheryl,
It's good to here you are picking your life up again. at the moment I don't think I will ever be the
same again. These are nice people in this forum, but I always knew they broke the mould when
they made us carers.
Thank you minie Image everyones circumstances are slightly different, but I think a lot of us (carers) are stuck in a sort of time warp where we rememeber what our lives were like before we became carers and we assume that is what we will eventually return to, there is ( I found) quite a sense of confusion to find that it is really pretty near impossible to just pick up where we left off. Being a carer is more than just a title for what we do, and it's more than just a job........it's a way of life. When for what ever reason a persons caring role ends a whole way of life goes with it, life feels totally empty, more so, if as you are coping with bereavement too.
Be gentle with yourself you'll find your way back a bit at a time ((((hug)))

this is completely what i feel like - even though only caring for short while but moved down south to care for my mum - have been back up for a few days after nearly 4 months (mum died 4 weeks ago) - have to explain to friends that i feel i have been abducted by aliens. very hard to explain or fit back in. i'm sure it will be fine - and some friends really understand and there's a lot of support.... but the intensity of caring is impossible to just let go of. it also feels like the most i important thing i have ever done (I don't have kids)... so where do i go from here! x
Hi Rache,

You ask 'where do I go from here ? ' - how would you feel about putting the experience you gained caring for your Mum to good use ? Do you think you could volunteer to help out at a Day Centre for the elderly ? Or become a 'befriender' to an elderly person living alone ?

I know that for many (ex) Carers this wouldn't be an option as they are 'relieved' that their caring duties are ended but many others want to continue caring albeit in a less full on way.
Brilliant advice Susie.

I know I moan about struggling with the care load somewhat, but would be lost without the perspective it brings to each day.

Take care
Hi susie,

yes- I had thought of something like that - but it is very different to care for your mum than for someone else - I had thought of seeing if a hospice needed volunteers, so it was a more general "helping out" rather than one on one....... going to leave it a bit so I'm more back to normal but bear it in mind.

thank you