Hi All,
I've been friends with an elderly lady in my street for years. Latterly, I became her carer for a few years as she list independence and suffered health problems. Her daughter only called in once a week with food and to take the washing, she never stayed long and my friend was very lonely. I created a care job through attendance allowance to keep it professional. While it was hard work sometimes I felt she needed me. I included her in my family events as I couldn't bear to see her alone so often, sat in her window looking out on life. The daughter didn't work and was well off but I tried not to judge her disinterest. Fast forward to Christmas 2020 and I was I'll but still went over to help until I tested positive for covid. Naturally I gave it to my friend. I tried to care for her while still having covid myself but had to call an ambulance for her. I never saw her again because I could not visit her but the daughter did. Fair enough although it was hard with the worry and guilt but I hadn't done it on purpose. She died and from then on it's been awful with the daughter edging away from me but to be fair not blaming me. I seemed to say the wrong thing and felt uncomfortable in her company. I offered the key back but she said to keep it for now. So I've been checking on the house and watering plants, always texting that I'd been in and all was well. This week the daughter turned up and asked for the key saying the insurance company said I'm not allowed to have it. I googled this but it's not true. She has every right for the key but a nicer way could've been done.
I let rip on a text as all the pent up emotions came out. The biggest being that I'd asked to speak to her mum on her mobile while she was in hospital and dying. Just to say I loved her really as I was heartbroken. That request was ignored. In response I had a message from my friends granddaughter saying my friend wasn't my mother and I am not the victim etc. I was hurt. I've written a letter to the daughter expressing that I will stay away but explaining that her mum was my friend and part of my own family and I apologised for my own outburst. She knows my husband has incurable cancer and that I am struggling.
What I'm asking is, is this. Is this about her her not doing enough for her mum? Relying on me for so long to do her job? My grief has been huge, has this made her resentful? I need some guidance as I can't seem to move on from thinking about it. I even accept that my friends small informal financial legacy to me has been denied as have the other neighbours legacies. Is there more to this that I'm not seeing? Thank you.
I've been friends with an elderly lady in my street for years. Latterly, I became her carer for a few years as she list independence and suffered health problems. Her daughter only called in once a week with food and to take the washing, she never stayed long and my friend was very lonely. I created a care job through attendance allowance to keep it professional. While it was hard work sometimes I felt she needed me. I included her in my family events as I couldn't bear to see her alone so often, sat in her window looking out on life. The daughter didn't work and was well off but I tried not to judge her disinterest. Fast forward to Christmas 2020 and I was I'll but still went over to help until I tested positive for covid. Naturally I gave it to my friend. I tried to care for her while still having covid myself but had to call an ambulance for her. I never saw her again because I could not visit her but the daughter did. Fair enough although it was hard with the worry and guilt but I hadn't done it on purpose. She died and from then on it's been awful with the daughter edging away from me but to be fair not blaming me. I seemed to say the wrong thing and felt uncomfortable in her company. I offered the key back but she said to keep it for now. So I've been checking on the house and watering plants, always texting that I'd been in and all was well. This week the daughter turned up and asked for the key saying the insurance company said I'm not allowed to have it. I googled this but it's not true. She has every right for the key but a nicer way could've been done.
I let rip on a text as all the pent up emotions came out. The biggest being that I'd asked to speak to her mum on her mobile while she was in hospital and dying. Just to say I loved her really as I was heartbroken. That request was ignored. In response I had a message from my friends granddaughter saying my friend wasn't my mother and I am not the victim etc. I was hurt. I've written a letter to the daughter expressing that I will stay away but explaining that her mum was my friend and part of my own family and I apologised for my own outburst. She knows my husband has incurable cancer and that I am struggling.
What I'm asking is, is this. Is this about her her not doing enough for her mum? Relying on me for so long to do her job? My grief has been huge, has this made her resentful? I need some guidance as I can't seem to move on from thinking about it. I even accept that my friends small informal financial legacy to me has been denied as have the other neighbours legacies. Is there more to this that I'm not seeing? Thank you.