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One step at a time... - Carers UK Forum

One step at a time...

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
It is exactly one year today since my last post. The following morning my husband tried to get out of bed when he heard the carer arrive. She found him stuck halfway in and out of bed and as we were unable to move him, I called an ambulance. I explained that he had fallen the night before and he was taken straight to hospital. He was there for two weeks, failing to make any improvement. Did not react to my presence or show any awareness of his surroundings. After two weeks he was moved to a nursing home where he passed away on 1st December.

I can't help feeling guilty that his death came as a relief more than anything else. He must have hated what his illness had done to him and would not have wanted to continue in that state. I had also found things increasingly difficult, especially the last three months, and had been grieving for the man I had already lost.

For the first few weeks I was fully occupied with funeral arrangements etc, then felt a short-lived enthusiasm for clearing out the house. In March I started horse riding again, with lessons to regain my confidence, and I have had three holidays, visiting Morrocco, Spain and Italy.

And yet...

I still don't have much of a social life. I've looked at various options such as U3A and on-line friendship groups, but nothing appealed. I am considering the Ramblers as I enjoy walking, but don't feel confident enough yet. I have also lost my enthusiasm for dealing with refurbishing the house. There is so much to be done that I don't know where to start. In any case I have no diy skills and get vertigo on ladders.

Well, I am making some progress towards getting my life back and I now realise it is going to take longer than I expected. Reading other people's posts has given me hope and support over the last couple of years and I continue to look in from time to time. Perhaps I may be able to help someone else in future.
Join Way Up, an online forum for widows, they do various events and holidays.
Jenny_180312 wrote:
Fri Oct 25, 2019 6:57 pm
It is exactly one year today since my last post. The following morning my husband tried to get out of bed when he heard the carer arrive. She found him stuck halfway in and out of bed and as we were unable to move him, I called an ambulance. I explained that he had fallen the night before and he was taken straight to hospital. He was there for two weeks, failing to make any improvement. Did not react to my presence or show any awareness of his surroundings. After two weeks he was moved to a nursing home where he passed away on 1st December.

I can't help feeling guilty that his death came as a relief more than anything else. He must have hated what his illness had done to him and would not have wanted to continue in that state. I had also found things increasingly difficult, especially the last three months, and had been grieving for the man I had already lost.

For the first few weeks I was fully occupied with funeral arrangements etc, then felt a short-lived enthusiasm for clearing out the house. In March I started horse riding again, with lessons to regain my confidence, and I have had three holidays, visiting Morrocco, Spain and Italy.

And yet...

I still don't have much of a social life. I've looked at various options such as U3A and on-line friendship groups, but nothing appealed. I am considering the Ramblers as I enjoy walking, but don't feel confident enough yet. I have also lost my enthusiasm for dealing with refurbishing the house. There is so much to be done that I don't know where to start. In any case I have no diy skills and get vertigo on ladders.

Well, I am making some progress towards getting my life back and I now realise it is going to take longer than I expected. Reading other people's posts has given me hope and support over the last couple of years and I continue to look in from time to time. Perhaps I may be able to help someone else in future.
What are your hobbies? Find a hobby and go from there. Perhaps you could do a diy skills course as well?