This may be a strange question to ask but........

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
I live in the house my husband and I bought together in 1976. We restored it from a wreck of a cottage with only a plank and a bucket in an outhouse for a toilet, to a cosy family home, with 2 inside bathrooms and 3 inside toilets! After I found my husband dead in bed here, I went through a period when I could have sold EVERYTHING as the memories were so painful. However, I knew not to make any immediate decisions when the emotions were in such turmoil, and I'm glad I stayed, because there are so many happy memories of our life together, bringing up the children etc. I can still feel the love here.
Mum died 3 years ago, I had to empty out her house, which they bought in 1968, when I was 16. I married when I was 19, so it doesn't have the same memories for me. Because mum was disabled, and a hoarder, we didn't have many really happy times there, large family gatherings were always held at my place, although mum's was double the size.
Blossom, it's cheaper for the government to be cruel.

I could say that these days there's a lot more 'competition' for housing, but that might sound inflammatory.
bowlingbun wrote:
Sun May 06, 2018 4:14 pm
I live in the house my husband and I bought together in 1976. We restored it from a wreck of a cottage with only a plank and a bucket in an outhouse for a toilet, to a cosy family home, with 2 inside bathrooms and 3 inside toilets! After I found my husband dead in bed here, I went through a period when I could have sold EVERYTHING as the memories were so painful. However, I knew not to make any immediate decisions when the emotions were in such turmoil, and I'm glad I stayed, because there are so many happy memories of our life together, bringing up the children etc. I can still feel the love here.
Mum died 3 years ago, I had to empty out her house, which they bought in 1968, when I was 16. I married when I was 19, so it doesn't have the same memories for me. Because mum was disabled, and a hoarder, we didn't have many really happy times there, large family gatherings were always held at my place, although mum's was double the size.
Thank you for your comment/advice
jenny lucas wrote:
Sun May 06, 2018 4:52 pm
Blossom, it's cheaper for the government to be cruel.

I could say that these days there's a lot more 'competition' for housing, but that might sound inflammatory.
It's shocking what they do though. The best thing is to be independent from them if that is possible. So, it is worth all those years of scrimping and saving if only to be independent from the money grabbing government.
Chris From The Gulag wrote:
Sun May 06, 2018 4:11 pm
21 Hour Rule ?

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/news-and ... our%20rule


5,382 " Reads " as I type ... seems important to more than a couple of readers ?
Ha! Interesting how it seems that they just want to keep people down where they belong? It is possible to be a full time carer and study - just just don't watch soap operas.
I did a part time Business Studies degree as a mature student. Thank goodness I did. My husband didn't really like me studying, although he'd always known I was planning to do a degree at some stage. (We met when I was 16 about to start A levels). However, as I finished my degree, he was made redundant, started his own business, with me doing all the paperwork. Those were some of the best years of our lives, we had lots of fun. After he died I ran part of the business for the next 10 years, until retirement. None of us knows what the future will hold, but qualifications are always worth doing.
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon May 07, 2018 5:19 pm
I did a part time Business Studies degree as a mature student. Thank goodness I did. My husband didn't really like me studying, although he'd always known I was planning to do a degree at some stage. (We met when I was 16 about to start A levels). However, as I finished my degree, he was made redundant, started his own business, with me doing all the paperwork. Those were some of the best years of our lives, we had lots of fun. After he died I ran part of the business for the next 10 years, until retirement. None of us knows what the future will hold, but qualifications are always worth doing.
They are - what a pity that the Government doesn't recognise this.
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon May 07, 2018 5:19 pm
but qualifications are always worth doing.
Cannot put enough emphasis on this, investing in yourself is the most sensible form of investment.

It is not just about the practical side of obtaining them but the self confidence and sense of achievement when you get there because you are awesome how you are, but you are making an even better version of yourself.

As per the original topic yes and I would likely downsize should the time come, I have a minimalist approach and originally was planning to raise a family when I got it - don't get me wrong it worked out fine for family that I was able to adapt the situation to look after them properly without displacing myself but it was not the original plan.. and I would not be happy living here alone.
Honey Badger wrote:
Wed May 09, 2018 7:52 am
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon May 07, 2018 5:19 pm
but qualifications are always worth doing.
Cannot put enough emphasis on this, investing in yourself is the most sensible form of investment.

It is not just about the practical side of obtaining them but the self confidence and sense of achievement when you get there because you are awesome how you are, but you are making an even better version of yourself.

As per the original topic yes and I would likely downsize should the time come, I have a minimalist approach and originally was planning to raise a family when I got it - don't get me wrong it worked out fine for family that I was able to adapt the situation to look after them properly without displacing myself but it was not the original plan.. and I would not be happy living here alone.
So, what thoughts do you have? Where would you like to go? What would you like to do?
Blossom24 wrote:
Wed May 09, 2018 11:25 pm
So, what thoughts do you have? Where would you like to go? What would you like to do?
I'd say it is an open question because there is a world of difference between I'm actually able/wanting to do now to what my needs/wants are going to be 20+ years down the line and theres no certainty to when that time might come.

In the same breath I've been doing this most of my life, I don't recall a time without it.. I was lucky enough to be able to actually do some things for myself but other areas (social/relationships) just fell apart as the intensity of the caring role increased so "normality" is an adventure in itself I know I will have a difficult time with, I'm under no illusions about it either.

Young me wants to go back to work, find somebody to plan the rest of our lives with, maybe start a family which is generally picking up where I left off while old me is just going to want a quiet life :) At least with the former I have the nappy skills down